The Best and Worst Stuff of 2010

There's only two full days left of the year, so it's time to reflect on the best and worst that 2010 has offered us.

THE BEST:

Best Scripted TV Show:

Hands down, Eastbound & Down. I have never felt so much enjoyment from a TV show than I felt from this past season of Kenny and Steve's antics. Maybe it was the donkeys, maybe it was the fat Hispanic people, or perhaps it was all the cocks. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what made this season of EB&D so great, but it definitely hit its stride pretty hard.

Best Reality TV Show:

The Real Housewives of NYC, duh. I was sad to see Jill Zarin get all Hollywood Hogan on us this past season, but my delight was soon restored when I got to see Bethenny Frankel's face morph into all sorts of fun shapes. And let's not forget when The Countess dropped her hit single, Money Can't Buy You Class, in all of its autotuned glory. Also, the episode where Horseface Bensimon has a crazy party on the boat rivals The Swan for this year's best psychological thriller.

Best Movie:The Social Network gets my vote. Aaron Sorkin's script was so good, and Jesse Eisenberg totes nailed it as Mark Zuckerberg. When I first heard there was going to be a Facebook movie, I had a feeling it would be pretty fucking terrible. But then, when has David Fincher ever made a terrible movie? Basically, it was the first time in my life I've ever been wrong. Trent Reznor's soundtrack is also completely amazing.

Best Taco:
Calexico. Like you didn't already know that.

Best Digital Marketing Effort:

Skittles' Update the Rainbow knocked my socks off. Not like real-time advertising is anything new, but the way Skittles got people to update Facebook with all sorts of personalized Skittles ads was pretty effing genius. Facebook users could send their updates to a call center, where employees read them aloud and made a video of them.

Best Album:


LCD Soundsystem's This Is Happening is one of the best albums I've heard in a long time. It's got the perfect mix of danciness, psychedelic funk, and rock. If this is James Murphy's last album, at least he went out with a bang.

Best Celebrity:
The sax guy from Mondolva. Undeniable talent.


Best New Tumblr Blog:

Bread People. Delicious.

THE WORST:

Worst Scripted TV Show:

Glee. WTF is this stupid show and why are so many people obsessed with it? I watched the Britney Spears episode and was completely dumbfounded by how unacceptable it was. Gross.

Worst Reality TV Show:
Why have I wasted so many hours of my life watching Millionaire Matchmaker? The "cupid" Patti Stanger makes me uncomfortable. Her weirdo assistant with a purple curl of hair on her head makes me even more uncomfortable. And I don't think she's even successfully matched anyone up on the show. Why Bravo? Why?

Worst Movie:
I know I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this, but I vote for Blue Valentine. Slow, indie character-driven flicks are totally my thing, but I couldn't find anything redeeming about this movie. It just felt like it was trying so hard to be cool, and in the end it was just a boring movie about whiny hipsters. To be fair, I'm sure Tooth Fairy is a little worse, I just haven't seen it... yet.



Worst Taco:
Seven Star, a deli in dumbo with really nice people makes really terrible tacos. I used to eat them every Thursday until Calexico entered my life.

Worst Digital Marketing Effort:
Marc Jacob's old website was dumb, and their new website is even worse.

Worst Song:

As much as I love my Housewives, this song is simply not ok.

Worst Celebrity: Boo, you've got to step it up. I really need to see more scandalous behavior from you in 2011.

Worst New Tumblr Blog:
Fuck Yeah Ferrets. Ferrets are unbearable, particularly when they hang out in bathtubs.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood of New Jersey

I'm watching the new episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey right now, and Galen just made a very astute observation. Caroline Manzo, the oldest/wisest housewife, looks like a plus sized version of Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers. Twins!She's as thick as thieves and thicker than puppets.

Count-less

Yo! Did ya hear there's a new single lady in town? And did you know that that single lady is none other than Countess Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives of NYC fame? Sadly, her husband Alex tossed her aside like yesterday's stale crumpets for a young Ethiopian girl.


BRUTAL.

But my girl Lulu won't let a little thing like divorce get her down. She still plans on keeping the title "Countess" because well, she fuckin' needs that shit. Her book and website are already branded with it, so this whole break-up thing is sort of an inconvenient truth. But hey, Luann. Wipe away those tears you sad clown! There's a new count in town, and he's a looker.

Dreams DO Come True

I just wet myself. Do you wanna know why? Ok, you probably already know. The Real Housewives of NJ! Yeppers, you read right. May 12 bitches... set your DVR. One of them is supposedly the first "American Express Black card" member in New Jersey. That fact alone makes the show worth watching. I also find it somewhat close to my heart since my great grandmother was supposedly the first woman driver in New Jersey. So you might even say that this show runs through my blood.

Another fun fact? Two of the housewives are sisters and they are married to two brothers, and the brother's other brother is married to another housewife. Confused yet? It sort of sounds like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, except we can expect a lot more gold hoop earrings, orange skin and mind-numbing accents. Hooray!

Housewives: Double Shot

Last night was such a big night of TV. First we got to hear about Obama's magical plans for the economy (chocolate in every under-privileged school's water fountain! unicorns for all families who make under $250,000) and then we got a delicious double dose of Housewives. Recap time!

At the Real Housewives of OC Reunion, the girls were looking skanky classy and refined in their battle gear. First we heard from Gretchen, who didn't look the slightest bit guilty of slutting around town with the likes of some stalker/best friend (and also Slade Smiley!) while she was with her cancer-ridden husband... But you know what? More power to her. Being slutty can be fun! But gurl... you know where Slade Smiley has been and you don't want to go there.

Then we saw Lynne whose fake smiles were more indicative of a mental breakdown than ripping out one's hair and eating one's scalp scabs (my friend went to school with a girl who actually did that!)
I feel bad for Lynne. Why are all the ladies such jerks to her? She just wants to eat salad and make jewelry ok? And just so you know, she doesn't smoke "bombs." She's like the Rose Nyland of the OC, just give her a break.

And then there was Tamra...
What was that? Did I just hear somebody blow a hottie whistle? Tamra was such a hoe bag in this episode, let's be honest. I thought it was a little odd that she claimed to be sorry for sleazing his son on Gretchen, but then accused Gretchen of being slutty and irresponsible because of what went down that night. She also mentioned she's selling her used fake boobs on ebay if anyone's interested, which they're not.

Which brings us to Vicki the rocket scientist.
This woman needs psychological help- mainly to get her to understand that she should not be wearing clothes from Contempo Casuals made for 16-year-olds. After smirking at Gretchen and making Lynne cry, Vicki informed us that her husband Don is getting better at filling up her "Love tank." *shudder* The tank is now approximately 50% full. And her husband Don is is now a complete shell of a man.

Moving on the the Real Housewives on NY, we caught up with everyone partying in the Hamptons. We got to go on a little shopping trip with NY's creepiest couple, Alex and Simon. Simon's seersucker shorts provided some major LOLZ.

Stunning. Can you believe they spent $8,000 on shitty summer clothes? I hope they were spun out of gold and can cure AIDS.

The highlight of this episode for me was exploring the zaniest NYC housewife in all her glory. Can we discuss the top 3 reasons Ramona is amazing?

1. She pulls strange Albino creatures out of her pockets at parties to spice things up.Did anyone else find it fascinating that about 30 minutes into the Countess' party, Ramona managed to conjure up a freaking albino lizard out of nowhere? She was all "Oh my friend's son just got it! No big whoop." And I was all, ""Nice try Ramagic, we know you have a lizard factory in your chest cavity."

2. She likes to get greasy.
Dag yo! Check out those guns! And that leotard... meow.

3. She has the prettiest face in all the land.
I have hereby renamed her Ramazing.

But even Ramazing's magic couldn't protect me from this day at the beach:
GAH! My eyes are bleeding! Bravo, what have you done? For shame.

And finally, at the saving cancer tent party, we got to see Bethenny let loose. After the motivational speech from the zen-like Grand High Jew Mother, she has clearly realized life is too short to pine after some short bald dude with kids from another marriage. See how pretty she is with her new boyfriend the fan?
Stay cool in the summer heat Beth! See you next week.

Subway Fashion- Housewives Edition

Guess who I rode the L train with this morning?!?
The most fashionable ladies in town... the Real Housewives of NYC! I was sitting directly across from Jill, Ramoron and some random new bitch. Because I feel it's important that my NY neighbors not be strangers, I took the liberty of researching this unfamiliar face on Bravo's website.

It turns out her name is Kelly Killoren Bensimon. Not only is she the newest face of Housewives, she is also the star of a different reality show called Behind the Hedges. You know, it's really important to have at least 2 reality shows if you want to keep up. She's also written 3 books and designs sweaters and jewelry. And in case you were wondering, she is also a model, equestrian, and editor. Personally, I think the most exciting fact about Kelly is that she used to be married to Gilles Bensimon of America's Next Top Model fame. I suspect he may have played just a small part in the success of Kelly's modeling career. I can't wait to see Jill Zarin kick her in the teeth.

Real Assholes of Drunk County

I normally don't watch The Real Housewives of Orange County, but since I've been taking a little break from my Tues. night writing workshop, I've had the chance to check it out the past few weeks. Last night's episode was nothing short of a train wreck. This episode was painful in the same way being in 7th grade is painful.

It was pretty much a snooze fest until the end when Tamra decided to have a dinner party and invited all the ladies. She and Vicki conspired to get Gretchen, the new "hot" housewife not just drunk, but "naked drunk." They succeed quickly by feeding her an overwhelming amount of tequila shots.You see, last season Tamra was considered to be the "hot" one. And previously, not having a wrinkly crazyfaceor sun-spotted and shrivelling fake taataaswas enough to constitute as being hot vixen in the house who somehow ended up on The Real Housewives of I suppose. But now that there is a 30 year old blondeOC rather than The Girls Next Door, Tamra's got her panties in a bunch. Not only is she jealous of Gretchen for being attractive, but she also disapproves of Gretchen's engagement to some mega-rich, old dude who is currently in the hospital dying of cancer. Tamra will stop at nothing to make it be known that she is the best and sexiest housewife that ever lived.
After she gets Gretchen extremely drunk, Tamra takes it to the next level- insisting that her 22 year old son force Gretchen to take even more shots. At this point, Gretchen is so beyond wasted that it's clear she's running on auto-pilot. She occasionally blurts out bubbly sentence fragments and tries to insist that she's not drunk while she slurs and stumbles around. Sometimes it's fun to watch someone in this state, but it was clear that Gretchen was being taken advantage of and was not among friends. Sure, some of the ladies kept trying to take her shots away and replace them with water, but Tamra persisted with encouraging Gretchen to down more and more booze. At one point, Tamra stated that her goal was to "bring out Grethcen's dark side." She clearly just wanted Gretchen to make a fool of herself and cheat on her terminally ill fiance, while playing a wing-man to her own son. (Gah!!)We don't get to find out until the next episode if they boned, but I think somebody's dark side was already revealed. And it wasn't Gretchen's....

EDIT: I was informed that Gretchen's husband Jeff actually died a few months ago which is like, totally sad. But at least he didn't have to deal with watching this episode.