Pepperoni Patch

In case you missed my Pizza Party sketch show at Coco 66 last weekend, check out the commercial parody I made.

The video stars Chris Schell, and features cameos by me and Pancake.

Out of Order

I feel like such a terrible blog mother. I have ignored this poor blog for the past few weeks because my mind has been jumbled with all sorts of silly things. There's a lot I need to tell you about... like my hilarious insider knowledge of the Housewives of NJ or my new job, or the fact that my brother drew a Reebok pump sign on the pump of the boot that adorns my fractured foot, and the fact that Pancake likes to pump it up...

But right now my brain is broken and so is the delete button on my keyboard, so I will have to keep you waiting on the edge of your seats. I'll BRB, I pinkie swear. In the meantime, I will leave you with a few pictures of things I desperately want to buy. Conveniently they are all in the $80 range. Eeeek.
Summer Campbell Frock by Rennes le Chateau

APC Madras Check Top
Grey Leather Sandals by Matiko (gonna have to wait for these until my foot stops being lame.)

Also on the list of things I desperately need: some type of insane dress to wear to this year's Belmont Stakes. My search for "insane dress" on Etsy yielded zero results, so I'm pretty much at a loss. A penny for your thoughts?

Turtle on a Leash and other fun weekend happenings

Spring is finally here! Sort of... It was so nice to experience the great outdoors when pesky baby Jesus wasn't busy flooding the city of New York with his rain tears.

Ok, I actually took those pictures a couple weeks ago on my trip to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and I wanted to brag about my new camera. But seriously, you must go - it might be the best place on earth. This weekend was spent at the "hippest" place on earth: McCarren Park in Williamsburg.

Galen, Pancake and I had a picnic and I wore my fabulous red Marc Jacobs shoes, as pictured above. Please don't think that I'm loaded enough to buy those shoes at market value. Money does not grow on trees in my neighborhood. However! I was able to find them on super-sale at DSW because there is a water stain on one of the toes. Weee!

You know what else we saw at the park? A fucking turtle. On a leash. Yep, you read that correctly.
This asshole wrapped some red masking tape around his hard-shelled friend and attached a rope to his back. Awesome way to score with the ladies, dude.

Another thing we did on Saturday was attend 3 consecutive birthday parties. This is not recommended unless your drinking skills are very sharp. Fortunately for me, I minored in drinking at UCSB, so the all-day drinkathon was not problematic. I just tried to follow the rule that one piece of delicious cake must be consumed per every alcoholic beverage I drank. Here is a picture of the tastiest cake I ate, whose innards consisted of ice cream bars:
Obviously this was a Paula Deen recipe. Them southern folks know how to do it right.

I ended the night in style by blacking out fully-clothed on the couch. Apparently when this happens, Pancake likes to use my head as a pillow.
Silly doggy.

Pancake Smiles With Her Eyes

Um excuse me, have you seen how ridiculous pancake is? This is the face she makes when she's wrapped up in her favorite blanket. I'm starting to suspect that her father is Jim Henson and her mother is Frank Oz. See what happens when you give her horns and a monster body?I mean... you can't even distinguish her as a dog in this muppet pile up. The next thing I know, she'll be singing "Can't Take No for an Answer" and starting whispering campaigns. Sheesh.

New Year, New Stuff, Asshole Jump Rope

Happy New Year everybody! I'm so excited for 2009 for the following reasons:
1. I won't have to hear annoying Christmas music blaring in every store I enter for a very long time
2. I'll be able to stay warm with my fabulous new cowl from Yarn Over Movement! It's literally the best thing ever.3. I got some sweet-ass bling from Alex & Chloe.
Hooray! So what did you do for New Years Eve? I brought in 2009 by partying with these clowns:
And then I was sooo pooped the next day that all I could do was cuddle on the couch with Pancake.

As far as resolutions go- I decided I'm going to stop being such a fatty ASAP. I went on a diet where I only eat rice cakes, tuna and edemame. Because I know it's important to exercise too, I did what any normal fitness guru would do...I bought a talking jump rope. This is my grand plan for staying in shape. It's supposed to cheer you on and encourage you to keep exercising, but when I used it today, it yelled at me and told me I was going too slow. Not wanting to let my jump rope down, I went even faster. My legs felt like jello and my brain was sloshing around in my head but I jumped at lighting speed. And you know what my jump rope had to say about it? "I'm falling asleep." Then it made a fake yawning noise. I'm serious.

When I got mad and threw it at the ground, it actually had the audacity to say, "You're crazy." No jump rope, you're crazy. Crazy like a fox. My jump rope and I aren't on speaking terms right now but tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully as I get fitter, my jump rope will be more polite.

Winter Cookie Fun

Winter is almost here, and the weather gods decided to dump a bunch of snow on NYC last night. That means that Pancake gets to wear her winter coat. Look at how much she hates the snow!To celebrate the holiday season, Galen and I got together with Devon and Perry for some festive baking. We made a plethora of winter-themed cookies including snowmen, presents and penguins.
But probably the best cookie of the night was crafted by Galen. He used a ridiculous amount of dough to create this beauty:which we deemed the Eric Stoltz cookie. If you don't see it here, check it out post frosting job in a side by side shot with Eric in Mask. I bet you can't even tell which one the cookie is.

Upside Down Pancake

By now you've probably heard of the site Upside Down Dogs. If not, I suggest you check it out immediately. The premise is simple- people take ridiculously cute pictures of their dogs upside down and this site posts them. It's updated almost every day and whenever you're feeling a little blue, you can feast your eyes on the likes of these:
So of course I've been trying to get Pancake to model for me in an upside down dog picture but she's pretty camera shy. Every time I'm about to take the picture she rolls over before I can snap it.
However, I was able to carry out a sneak attack with my camera phone this morning. I caught her off guard and captured this ridiculous face:It really reminded me of that scary face Gina Davis makes in Beetlejuice. You know... this one:

Obama Won.. blah blah... On to the Puppeh!

Hooray! Perhaps you've heard... Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States! I really didn't have enough faith in my fellow country men and women to pick the right person for the job.. but WE DID IT! It proves the point that Bill Maher brought up last night, that we as a nation can "bounce back." Yeah, we fucked up the last 8 years, but now we're turning a new page. If you didn't watch Real Time With Bill Maher last night, you should be sure to check out the best part- an homage paid to the annoying people we will no longer have to deal with now that Obama was elected president. Behold- "A Farewell to Douchebags":

Peace out, douchies! And how it's time to cover what is clearly the most important concern facing our nation: which dog will Barack Obama adopt to be the new White House pup!? EVERYONE and their mother is pondering this question. So- we know they want a shelter dog, and we know they want it to be hypo-allergenic. No problem dude! Pancake herself is a shelter dog, and because she is half poodle, she is hypo-allergenic. It's really not hard to meet those requirements. Here's a whole list of dogs that are hypo-allergenic. But don't worry Barack, I know you're probably too busy now to figure this out so I've got your back. I've found you and the girls the perfect hypo-allergenic dog to adopt from the DC Shelter Washington Animal Rescue League. She's even got the perfect name for your new home. Obamas, meet Miss White!

Pancake at her Finest

Did you ever notice that my dog has a lot in common w/ Nick Nolte's mug shot?
Yup. I think it's time for someone to get a haircut.

Pancakepalooza

Holy crap. Pancake just got a totally sweet haircut. Check out her new style:


And here's a video of the little pup in action:

She goes crazy when she sees her leash, but that's nothing compared to her nutso spaz attack after she gets a bath:

Dog Eat Dog

This weekend I had one of the scariest and most traumatic experiences of my life. My dog Pancake was attacked by a Doberman Pinscher. It is one thing to be injured or attacked yourself, it is a whole new ballgame when it happens to someone (or some dog) whom you love and are responsible for.

Saturday morning, Pancake and I were going for a nice leisurely stroll down Franklin Ave. Pancake is a very friendly dog and I normally let her meet and sniff other small dogs we encounter. However, when we see dogs who are large and or angry looking, we tend to steer clear. We were prancing along right outside Brooklyn Label, our local coffee shop, when suddenly I spied a large and fierce (not like ferocia coutura) Doberman Pinscher that had its eyes on my poor little baby. This dog was on a leash that was being held by a small girl who looked to be no older than 6 years old. Pancake and I were trying to get away from this scary creature when I heard the girl say, "No Ana, no!" Ana the Doberman broke free of her young holder and went straight for Pancake. Ana grabbed Pancake in her large mouth and tossed her to the ground, biting and shaking her. If you have ever met Pancake, you will know that she is the number one sweetest dog, would never harm a fly, and hasn't the slightest clue about how to defend herself.

It was right around this time that my surge of adrenalin/motherly instinct kicked in. I reached down and ripped my pup out of Ana's mouth. I had no thought about what danger I might be putting myself in, I just knew I needed to help my best doggy friend. I was screaming and crying a little bit, but then managed to calm down and use my brain. After I had stopped screaming, I heard screaming coming from someone else. I looked in my arms and realized it was Pancake screaming. It sounded like a human scream and was undoubtedly the most terrifying thing I have ever heard in my life, hands down.

Suddenly, a woman emerged from the coffee shop. It was the mother of the girl/owner of the other dog. She grabbed Ana and had her daughter come over to me to tell me a message. "My mommy said she will pay for the pills that your doggy will have to take," she said shakily. It was a nice gesture, and if I weren't in such a panic, I might have said ,"Cool, thanks kid." But I think I just screamed or something. I ended up getting the lady's email address and she agreed to cover the vet bill. She also agreed not to leave her dog unattended with her small child ever again.

Moments later, we rushed Pancake to our local vet for an emergency visit. She was obviously in a lot of pain and had some big bite marks on her sides, although her skin was not punctured. She was shaking like a leaf the whole time in the emergency room but she was very brave and even managed to wag her little tail while we comforted her. I on the other hand, was a complete wreck. I was sobbing and hyperventilating. I couldn't help but think "what if I had just seen the dog earlier so we could cross the street faster" or "what if we had gone on a shorter walk, then none of this would have happened." Yes, what if. I was sure Pancake had broken her leg and that they were going to have to amputate it, leaving her with a nub.

Once the vet got a look at her, she determined Pancake was not broken, just messed up. Her muscles were spasming from the shock and so she got a doggy acupuncture treatment to soothe her pain. She was also given some muscle relaxers and pain killers. She is sorta sad and sorta scared, and we can't pick her up without her yelping, but she is going to be ok. That is the most important thing.

My poor dog has been through so much, and it's really not fair because she honestly is the sweetest little creature I have ever encountered. She is recovering on my couch if you would care to send her balloons or treats.

New Look!

You may have noticed that Today's Special has a new look. It was time for a makeover, and in honor of summer, I spruced things up a bit.

Also, Pancake has a new look too! She got a new haircut and a new harness. She's so fresh and so clean clean! Isn't she the cutest?

I thought you should know

That my dog Pancake thinks she's a monster.

Pancake and I were wondering...

Consumer Whore-ism At Its Finest

Hello Readers! Hopefully you haven't given up completely on my blog... I know I've been MIA for awhile. I've been busy with some really important things. What things you ask?

Wellllllllllll

• I got a new job that pays me enough $ to live and on occasion, buy stuff
• I finally finished writing the first draft my screenplay
• I've been really tied up playing with Pancake

So there you have it. And um, speaking of the new job... it allows me to put my consumer-whoreism into overdrive! Ok. Not really. And I should probably be saving money for important things like plane tickets to friend's weddings, rent, and new underwear. But I allowed myself to indulge in a little spending with my first paycheck, just because it had been so long since I actually bought something. (The shit wages at Focus Features amounted to less per week than I was making at Starbucks in 2003.)

So rather giving you a MUST HAVE post, this time I am pleased to present an I HAVE post!

I got this fabulous Squirrel Print on Etsy from Berkley Illustrations:



And this awesome purse and wallet from Valhalla Brooklyn:

Yaaaay for buying things! This will probably conclude my spending frenzy, at least for a long while, but damn it felt good.

Poor Pancake

My poor little doggie has had a very tough few weeks. Pancake (the Jackapoo I adopted with my boyfriend in September) hadn't been spayed when we got her so we made her an appointment to get her lady parts snipped a couple weeks ago. Since she is 8 years old and slightly fragile, we had a feeling this was going to be a slightly traumatic experience. However, we never could have predicted the pain, suffering and sheer lunacy that was ahead.

The woman who adopted Pancake to us runs a shelter whose name I cannot mention because my law school boyfriend says if I do, it's slander. Let's just say if you live in NY, you've totally seen her. Anyway- her website claims that all dogs adopted through her organization are spayed and micro-chipped. We were upset to find out that Pancake was neither spayed nor micro-chipped, but we were assured that in "a couple days" we could have these things taken care of.

We made an appointment for the following week with the dog lady, who told us to meet her in Union Square with our dog and she'd have the whole thing taken care of. We waited outside in the cold for two hours and she never showed up. Even after calling her several times and her saying "I'm stuck in traffic Mami" she never showed. This happened 4 times before we finally insisted that we take her to the doctor to get spayed ourselves. Dog lady insisted that we bring Pancake to "her doctor" who is conveniently located in the north Bronx. Basically- unless we went to that doctor, we were not going to be given Pancake's medical records and rabies tag.

We sucked it up and showed up at the doctor's medical center (a metal table and some operating supplies set up IN HIS GARAGE) on a Fri. night. It was super sketchy, but we sucked it up, and were relieved when the guy ended up being kind of nice. We also saw the guy's medical certificates... he works at a dog hospital during the week and used to be the head doctor of the Nothside Animal Clinic. Ok- so we figured he must be legit.

When Pancake started to recover from the anesthesia, we took her home. She was a complete mess- peeing and throwing up on herself. We were freaking out and totally upset. My boyfriend's mother assured us that we were over-reacting and that it would just take awhile for Pancake to recover from this minor surgery. We kept calling the doctor asking if she would be ok- and he had us come in to get medicine which he forgot to give us before. Two days later when she was still throwing up, shaking, and not eating, we decided it was time for action.

We took Pancake to the doggie hospital- where they discovered she was in a lot of pain. She went into emergency surgery and the hospital peeps called the first doctor for information on her blood work. When the doctor realized our dog was going into surgery, he figured it was time to call us and let us know that he may have "made a mistake." My heart sank as he told us he was really tired when he did her surgery and that he may have left something inside of her. Of course, one hour and $3,500.00 later, the hospital discovered the sponge left inside Pancake's stomach. OOOPPS!

Now, a week and a half after her first surgery, Pancake is finally recovering. She has 8 inches in staples in her stomach and has to wear a cone on her head, but we are just relieved that she's ok. She's doing better everyday, and we think in a couple weeks that she'll be back to the regular old pancake.

So there are 3 very important lessons to be learned from this story:

1. Be sure your dog is fixed before you adopt it
2. NEVER EVER get your dog spayed in some guy's garage in the Bronx
3. If your dog is throwing up and not drinking or eating 48 hours after being spayed, she may have had a foreign object left inside her body. We discovered that this actually happens with some regularity, although we were unable to find anything about it online.

Get well soon Pancake!