Monday, November 24, 2008

Stop Stealing or Stop Shitting

Living with roommates brings out a darker side of humanity. Like they say on the Real World, you get to see what happens when people stop being polite and start being real.

My last roommate Sherri moved to NYC and needed someone to live with. We had been friends before and although we weren't close, I thought it would be ok for us to live together. I was interested in having a roommate who I was friendly with but not best friends with. I knew she'd had lots of problems with past roommates and I probably should have took that as a warning sign. Sadly I did not.

The first week of our apartment dwelling together was actually quite nice. We exchanged pleasantries in the hallway, watched Americas Next Top Model together, and even made a joint trip to the grocery store. But as the weeks passed, her behavior grew more and more peculiar. She tiptoed around the house naked in the middle of the night. She went through my things and stole my DVDs. She cut up bananas and put them in spaghetti with meat sauce for dinner. Seriously. But the worst was when she involved my kitchenware in her deviant behavior. Like time she hard boiled some eggs and left them soaking in brown liquid in the fridge for over a week. The eggs were sitting in a bowl. A bowl that belonged to me and that happened to be my favorite bowl. I realize it is weird to have a favorite bowl, but I do, so get over it. I was horrified by this egg tank/science project and so I dumped the contents in the trash and hid the bowl under my bed. I also hid many of my other kitchen belongings including spatulas, measuring cups and corn on the cob holders. I could not have these precious household items which I had collected since childhood to be tarnished by her strange culinary experiments. We truly brought out the worst in each other and I'm glad my days of living with roommates are over.

My friend Rob is not quite so lucky. He moved in with some nasty roommates a couple weeks ago- to an apartment that is so run down that he moved in to find that the front door was broken off its hinges. These roommates are gross guys who probably leave pee in the toilet and beard hairs on the sink. Yesterday, they stole Rob's toilet paper. This is the note he left for them in response:Luckily, he found a new apartment and is moving out next week. I think he should he should buy them this toilet paper as a parting gift:

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