I'm starting a new section on Today's Special called Today's Asshole. Each day (or really, whenever I feel like it) I will write a post about the biggest asshole for that particular day. And so lady's and gents, I present you with the very first Today's Asshole.
I met today's asshole on the subway during this morning's commute. As the doors were slamming shut on the already packed L, a man carrying a giant bunch of balloons as well as a bag filled with balloon animals, made his way onto the train. He pressed the door open with his arm and swung his precious balloons into safety. This was kind of funny, but it started to get very unfunny as his bunch of balloons pressed against my head, rubbing my hair into a static electricity frenzy. I shot the guy an "are you fucking kidding me!?" look, and he tried to maneuver his squeaking rubber spectacle so that it wasn't all up in everyone's business. This of course, was impossible. Just a lot of pointless squeaking and bumping.
At First Ave., I moved out of the way to let the poor bastards entering the train experience the strange delight of being molested in the face by a pack of balloons.
As the culprit was exiting the train, his balloons hit me in the head a few seconds before I was able to snap this shot.
Let the lesson be learned-- if you carry a bunch of balloons into an over-crowded rush hour train, you're pretty much a huge asshole. Kindly refrain from public transportation and take your clown car.