I was a little disappointed by last night's America's Next Top Model recap. I have missed most of the episodes this season but I tuned in last night hoping to see something juicy. All I got was a crumby recap. But it got me thinking...
These America's Next Top Model girls are all over the place! I'm not sure that any of them have actually become legit supermodels, but they sure are making headlines. Adriane Curry may or may not have gotten pregnant with that Brady guy on their shitty reality show that no one watched. Bianca walked in Chris March's runway show on at Project Runway's fashion week show. And my girl crush Shandi Sullivan is dj'ing and hosting guitar hero nights at Pianos.
Here are my superlatives for some of the other very special ANTM girls:
Most likely to land herself in the mental institution:
Lisa D'Amato (from season 5)
After watching this interesting* video on YouTube, you'll see what I mean.
Most likely to actually be a man:
Jaslene (from season 8, in stunning pic from last night)
The shiny face and tranny trench are problematic, but what really bothers me are those lace-up Payless heels! You won Top Model, girl! Time to step in up a notch!
Most likely to skyrocket to legitimate fame:
Kim Stolz (season 5)
The new fresh-faced host for MTV is smart, actually has fashion sense (or a good stylist whose number should be passed along to Jaslene) and is hotter than ever.
Most likely to win the ultimate fighting championship: Elyse Sewell (from season 1)
This is a picture of Elyse on her way to court after she was arrested in a violent hotel tussle with her ex-boyfriend Marty Crandall. (Yes, the keyboard player from the Shins.) Apparently after Marty roughed her up, Elyse bit the shit out of him! You go girl!
Most likely to become a crackwhore: Dominique (from this season)
She's already got the appropriate teeth needed to fill the position!
*-by interesting, I mean terrible and wildly psychotic