Friday, February 27, 2009

Top Clown Recap

I suppose it's about time I weigh in on the Top Chef finale. Eh. I made a cartoon:

I have to admit, for all that shit talking I've done about Carla, I kind of wanted her to win. Her warm, fuzzy, lovable soul finally won over my blackened heart by the final episode. I blame the editors for this. I wouldn't have been too upset if Stefan won either because he reminds me of Deiter from Sprockets and I think it's sexy when he says the word twat. But Hosea? Really folks? That guy is such a bozo. It's a good thing the golden baby and the oh-so-prestigeous Glad Family of Products smiled upon him. In a normal world, Hosea would have packed his knives and received his one-way ticket to clown town a long time ago.

And now there's rumors that Bozo Rosenberg and Leah the Fish Slayer are making out all over NYC. Barf. I wonder if Bravo will make a reality show about their scandlous relationship called Two Twats: A Love Story.

In any case, I guess it's not really about winning. Gawker said it best when they wrote " Hosea's $100,000 can't buy him imagination or intelligence or his hair back." I don't think Hosea will do that great in non-reality show life, but who knows. Everyone is really into harping on him right now (he really makes it easy by looking like such a doofus) but he might not be so bad. I mean, he wasn't terrible - he just wasn't good. If the editors had spun it differently, maybe we would have seen Hosea as the BFG/lovable underdog. We never tasted his food so whatevs.

We at home are left to judge these chefs on two things: their personality and the way their food look on a plate. And if I had my way, Fabio would be the winner because he is so sweet (zuh-weet.) I am going to make a trip to visit my favorite Italian stallion in all his fauxhawk glory at his restaurant Cafe Firenze. I love you Fabio! I'll suck on your spehgetti any day.


1 comment:

absolutely not said...

maybe i am alone here but the hosea and leah situation feels like one of those things that happened in college where two people wound up drunkenly licking each others faces in the basement of a frat house in front of everyone. and everyone nervously laughed and whispered about his girlfriend who was home for her brothers graduation. and secretly vomited in their mouths
and then the two of them wind up together and every time you see them you just kind of feel gross for them because their whole relationship smells like bulk pretzels, everclear and polo sport?
just me?

take away? hosea will never be as good as harold. i think we can agree on that.