Floating Robot: The Shoes (My Pretty Woman Moment)

Finding the perfect pair of wedding shoes was rough. Because my dress was short, I needed something that was going to look awesome but not too show-stealing. I found them, see?

But it was tough work. I started with some really weird ideas about my shoes. I kind wanted either:
A. clogs
B. bright yellow shoes
C. something with suede
D. all of the above

My resident shoe expert and bridesmaid Stephanie was all, "Hell no." She suggested we go to Bergdorf Goodmans in search of some "real people" wedding shoes. I had never been to Bergie's before, but I knew it was super fancy and I was desperate to fit in. I rifled through all of my unsophisticated Greenpoint-style attire and scraped together the Sex In the City-est outfit I could find. When we entered Bergdorfs, we were already aware that it was going to be a Pretty Woman scenario, and that we were both playing the part of Julia Roberts. When we got to the shoes, Stephanie couldn't resist trying on a pair of ridiculously sparkly Louboutins.

I think some sort of buzzer must have gone off in the back room, because a stuffy old sales lady rushed up and asked what we were doing. "I'm looking for wedding shoes," I said, my voice cracking as I pawed at a pair of YSL pumps.

"Oh really? You're getting married?" the bitch questioned, astonished that someone would ever commit to such a piece of trash. "Where's the wedding?" she sneered.

"At a f-f-farm upstate. It's really pretty. There's goats?" I wanted to lie and say "The Four Seasons." It must be fancy since Bethenney Frankel got married there. But it was too late.

"A farm, huh? Ok. Why don't you girls head down to the fifth floor. We have some clearance shoes there," she cackled. And so that was that - we were banished to the fifth floor. The dreaded cellar where shoes go to die. We took the elevator there and found files of old, dusty, out of style footwear. It was depressing, and so we left.

I was pretty discouraged, and I was honestly considering wearing an old pair of sandals, when I decided to stop in to Kate Spade, just to see what was going on. Mindful of the possibility of being banished, I mostly kept to myself, until a nice sales person came to help me. She didn't have an evil laugh, and she even let me try on a bunch of pairs of shoes. When I tried on the Clarice, I knew they would be The Ones.