Floating Robot

Best Wedding Tools

2011-12-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

When I got engaged, I really had no idea where to start. Unlike many ladies, I was not one of those girls who always dreamed of the day when I would walk down the aisle. When we decided to get married 6 months after getting engaged, I had to transform into a wedding planning robot. There is no way I would have been able to pull it off without some handy online tools. Here are the top 5 most helpful online wedding tools I used to pull it off.

1. Paperless Post
As soon as we nailed down a location, we needed to get our save-the-dates out right away. Like, the next day. Luckily someone told me about Paperless Post, which allowed me to customize a card, an envelope, and envelope lining! You just upload your contact list, and it blasts out a personalized card to each friend and family member and keeps track of the responses. At first it seemed like a ghetto idea to email a save-the-date, but the site completely changed my mind.

2. Wedding & Registry Jojo

We knew we wanted a cool wedding website with a memorable URL, so I had my friend snag me LesleyandGalen.com. I'm not much of a designer, but Wedding Jojo had some fun templates to choose from and they made adding all the info pretty easy. Also, because my apartment is roughly the size of a PF Chang's lobby, we have no room to put anything. I hated the idea of stuffing a bunch of tea cups and napkin holders into my snack drawer (one of four drawers in my kitchen, and it's already filled with fruit roll-ups). Registry Jojo allowed us to ask for an amazing honeymoon as a gift. We filled out our site with custom options like "Swiss Spa Adventure" and "Spending $$ at the Luvre" and asked our guests to contribute. It worked!

3. Martha Stewart's Seating Tool

I seriously hated The Knot and all their creepy email reminders. "We noticed you're getting married soon and you have 57 uncompleted tasks this week!" I was happy when I discovered Martha Stewart Wedding's handy set of planning tools. The most helpful one was the seating tool, which allows you to upload your guest list and drag and drop people to different tables.

4. Pinterest
Ooooh Pinterest, how I love thee. If you haven't discovered this online curating tool, you need to check in out immediately. It allows you to "pin" your favorite stuff online as your surfin' the net with the click of a button. I obsessively searched wedding blogs at weird hours of the night and was able to remember the best of what I'd just looked at.

5. Pinhole PressOk, so this one's not a planning tool, but I used Pinhole Press to make our wedding album and I love it so much. I ordered a small paperback version which fits nicely in my living room (the size of PF Chang's hostess stand). The book is beautiful and was pretty easy to make, aside from agonizing over which 68 pictures to include.

I'm pretty sure I would have eloped had it not been for the Internet.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

2011-10-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

Due to the success of last year's foam board Halloween costumes, I decided it would be fun to try again this year with some inspiration from the very first PG-13 movie I ever saw. Beetlejuice made a pretty big impression on me, so this Halloween, Galen and I are going to be stretch-faced Adam and Barbara.

I bought this shirt for Galen, and I found a super rad flowery dress with shoulder pads from Daha Vintage. But the real fun was in the mask construction.

I bought a big stack of colorful foam board paper.

I cut up a bunch of teeth and hot glued the details (and my hands) together.

Pancake made fun of me for burning my hands.

And then the mask was done!

Now I'm attempting to make the Adam mask out of paper mache and latex gloves, but it's currently a hot mess. I'll let you know how that works out.

The Shoes (My Pretty Woman Moment)

2011-10-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

Finding the perfect pair of wedding shoes was rough. Because my dress was short, I needed something that was going to look awesome but not too show-stealing. I found them, see?

But it was tough work. I started with some really weird ideas about my shoes. I kind wanted either:
A. clogs
B. bright yellow shoes
C. something with suede
D. all of the above

My resident shoe expert and bridesmaid Stephanie was all, "Hell no." She suggested we go to Bergdorf Goodmans in search of some "real people" wedding shoes. I had never been to Bergie's before, but I knew it was super fancy and I was desperate to fit in. I rifled through all of my unsophisticated Greenpoint-style attire and scraped together the Sex In the City-est outfit I could find. When we entered Bergdorfs, we were already aware that it was going to be a Pretty Woman scenario, and that we were both playing the part of Julia Roberts. When we got to the shoes, Stephanie couldn't resist trying on a pair of ridiculously sparkly Louboutins.

I think some sort of buzzer must have gone off in the back room, because a stuffy old sales lady rushed up and asked what we were doing. "I'm looking for wedding shoes," I said, my voice cracking as I pawed at a pair of YSL pumps.

"Oh really? You're getting married?" the bitch questioned, astonished that someone would ever commit to such a piece of trash. "Where's the wedding?" she sneered.

"At a f-f-farm upstate. It's really pretty. There's goats?" I wanted to lie and say "The Four Seasons." It must be fancy since Bethenney Frankel got married there. But it was too late.

"A farm, huh? Ok. Why don't you girls head down to the fifth floor. We have some clearance shoes there," she cackled. And so that was that - we were banished to the fifth floor. The dreaded cellar where shoes go to die. We took the elevator there and found files of old, dusty, out of style footwear. It was depressing, and so we left.

I was pretty discouraged, and I was honestly considering wearing an old pair of sandals, when I decided to stop in to Kate Spade, just to see what was going on. Mindful of the possibility of being banished, I mostly kept to myself, until a nice sales person came to help me. She didn't have an evil laugh, and she even let me try on a bunch of pairs of shoes. When I tried on the Clarice, I knew they would be The Ones.

The way they sparkled in the back, but looked lovely and traditional in the front would make them the perfect fit.

When I put them on on my wedding day, even Pancake was like, "Dang! These look great!"

Sure, after prancing around with the goats in the mud, they got a little gross.

But at least they went to good use. Maybe now I'll donate them to the Fifth Floor.

* all wedding photos by Kate Miss

Somebody Got Married

2011-10-08T06:04:00.001-07:00

Whelp, it's been awhile, but I have a good excuse. I was getting married and stuff. It was the most magical time of my life, and Mr. Galen is now my husband! I guess you may now refer to me as Mrs. Galen. Anyway, here we are making out in a vintage Citroën.

Although select parts of the wedding planning process made me want to rip my eyes out, there was a whole lot of it that was super fun. Mainly the part where I got to curate all things awesome. Like my favorite garlands from Confetti System, our amazing photographer Kate Miss, and of course, baby goats.

Each day, I will take you through a different cool element that I enjoyed making or planning, and fill you in on all the top secret details. Hold onto your hats. This first wedding post will be about my dress, made by the unrealistically fabulous Leanne Marshall, of Project Runway fame. It's kinda crazy to think that 3 years ago, I was gushing about Leanne on this here blog, and then I finally got to meet her and get her to make the wedding dress of my dreams.

Figuring out how to make this a reality wasn't easy. I did a ridiculous amount of internet stalking and emailing to her Etsy account and other sources before I looked on her blog and discovered a secret wedding page (which has now been removed - sorry!) I was finally able to contact her and get a response! I was put in touch with Nathan, Leanne's styling assistant and make-up artist extraordinaire who set me up with my first meeting.

My mom was in town visiting, so she came with me which was really special. She brought her "wedding lace" with her in an old brown sack. Now, let me explain this lace, which at first was a bit disastrous but then became the star of the wedding. When my mom wore it layered over her wedding dress in the 70's, it was stunning because it was part of a well-crafted ensemble.

But the lace alone - without the dress or my pretty mom wearing it, sort of resembled the puffy shirt from Seinfeld. My mom was like, "Oh you could just wear it over whatever dress you get... if you want." I could tell how much it meant to her, but I couldn't imagine a scenario when the puffy shirt would look acceptable over the type of short and cute dress I wanted. When we met with Leanne, I tried on the dress of my dreams and instantly fell in love. Check out the enormous smile on my face when I discovered the dress had pockets!

I knew this dress had to be The One, and Leanne knew it too. And we had a lovely chat about the Golden Girls, specifically about how we both were "Rose." It was almost surreal how swimmingly everything was going, until a small croak penetrated the magic moment. My mom held out her little shaking hand with the wedding lace in it. "What about the lace?" she shrieked wistfully. Leanne, in typical Project Runway fashion, offered to cut up the puffy shirt and incorporate the lace into my dress. This was "making it work" in the best way.

When I picked it up The Dress from Leanne a couple months later, it was seriously awesome to see what she had done. When my mom saw it on the morning of my wedding day, she started to cry. We both knew it was the perfect dress.

A Phoenix Suns Homage: Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie

2011-01-30T07:58:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think about how much better life would be if it was only 1993 again and the glorious Phoenix Suns were killing it in the Western Conference Finals? I'm constantly daydreaming about Dan Majerle's amazing 3-pointer skillz, Oliver Miller's impossibly long arms, and Kevin Johnson's good looks.

As an homage to my favorite sports team from the early 90's, I decided to make a vegetarian Shepherd's Pie, decked out in purple and orange.

I started by cutting up carrots and de-shelling snap peas.

Using snap peas is not recommended. It took forever to take the shells off and this time could have been spent doing something better, like fantasizing about being productive while watching reruns of Teen Mom.

Then I put some olive oil, garlic, and shallots in the pan before dumping in 1/3 of a bottle of IPA and a bag of Morning Star Farms veggie crumbles. I let these items simmer while I speculated about what the "Z" in Cedric Z. Ceballos stands for.

I concluded the answer was probably Zesty, and moved on to the purple potatoes that I mashed up with some garlic and butter.

As I spread all these ingredients into the pie crust, I made sure to sample generous portions of everything. I take the advice I learn from Tom Colicchio on top chef very seriously.

After everything was in the pie crust, I found the orangest cheese I could find and shaved it all over the top. After baking it for about 15 minutes, I had a vegetarian pie fit for the Phoenix Suns gorilla. I'm sure KJ would be proud.

Must Have: Pillows!

2011-01-22T11:29:00.000-08:00

I've developed a pillow problem. You see, it all started this morning when Galen's mom Alison confirmed she would get us a new couch. This news came as quite a relief, since the current couch we have is being held together by safety pins (literally) and has been reduced to a Marjorie the trash heap-esque mass.

After gazing at all sorts of zany sofas that were ultra-cool and particularly uncomfortable, I've been talked into getting a very cozy, neutral couch. It's the Henry in dove-gray cotton basket weave from West Elm, and I think it will be a smart choice. And now I get to jazz it up with pillows, which makes my heart race with excitement. Which of these should I get?

Oars and Anchor Cushion by Helkatdesign

Gate Citrine pillow by Dwell Studios

Horses Cushion by Helkatdesign

Pyramids Woven pillow by Dwell Studios
Bazaar Lion pillow by Thomas Paul

Seahorse pillow by Thomas Paul

Martin Square pillow by Unison

Fox Cushion by Donna Wilson

Rope Rectangle pillow by Unison

In My Garage (I don't feel safe)

2011-01-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, Galen and I rose to extreme levels of luxury when we got a parking space in our Greenpoint apartment building. The spot has helped us avoid getting the car encased by the terrors of the Snowpocalype, and today's Snowpocalypse Jr.

I'm not trying to be a snob or nothin', but the garage could be a bit more aesthetically pleasing. Let's just say that our landlord appears to have picked up some decorating tips from either a zombie or a Grabage Pail Kid. Shall we take a virtual tour?

This is the entry way. You'll notice that instead of a welcome mat, there's a broken down van and charming pile of rubbish.

Then to your left, there's a pile of old refrigerators labeled "keep" with sharpie and masking tape. They have a certain "old-world charm" about them, don't they? Maybe I'll be lucky enough to receive one someday. Thank God they'll be waiting safely in the garage until then.

I believe this is a piece by Marcel Duchamp.

And the finishing touch, probably added for the purposes of Feng Shui, is this vehicle of doom. If Skeletor drove a golf cart, this would be it. I'm not certain what this automobile is used for, but I'm sure it's very important.

No Pants 2K11

2011-01-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

I was pleased to participate in my 4th No Pants Subway Ride in NYC thanks to Improv Everywhere. The day started with SvT and I enjoying thermoses full of gin, vodka, and tomato juice. Unlike the last few years, we went to Bushwick and met up with Alex, who asked me to be a car leader person.

Here is a pic I found online of me doing that.

My hands almost froze off but I managed to stay alive and pull off my pants (my underwear sort of fell down too. eep!) This year, they say there were around 3,500 participants in NYC, and even more people dropped their drawers in 50 cities across the world. I'm happy to have partaken once again in this pants-less extravaganza.

Signature Scent & New Bling Too

2011-01-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

My exciting holiday spending spree is now over, but guess what? I got some great stuff. For starters, I had been searching for a signature scent for a long while. Last year, I bought D.S. & Durga's Orris Root and absolutely loved it. Sure, it's for a man, but it smelled so good and I was looking to get in touch with my inner Bea Arthur. I ran out recently and wanted to stick with D.S. & Durga. That's when my love affair began with the perfume they created for In God We Trust.

It's so ridiculously awesome - it just smells fresh, feminine and light. And it's like no other fragrance I've ever smelled. I cannot speak highly enough about this perfume! Every time I wear it, someone compliments me on how great I smell. Their officialdescription is: Roots scrubbed clean. Green tomato stem, bergamot, bourbon geranium, with angelica root and vetyver. Light bodied like the girls at IGWT.

If you're in New York, you can get this at In God We Trust. If not, you need to contact D.S. & Durga directly, but it's worth it!

Old Hollywood. I'd been wearing the same ring since high school, and I felt it was time for a change, especially after some clown shook my hand so hard my ring cracked. The ring on my ring finger is made by Jana DeSpain, and the one on my pointer finder is by Han Cholo.

I'm so pleased with my fresh scent and my sweet bling. I feel like a real lady, ready to face 2011.

Fish Taco Fantasy (with homemade crack sauce)

2011-01-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

I've been cooking a lot, and I was really pleased to get the New York Times cookbook for Christmas this year. Last night, I made a little variation on their fish tacos, and they came out awesome. I had my fist successful attempt at frying something and making crispy breading. Mmmmm...

To create this masterpiece with my own hands, I:

1. Ordered some pre-made, fresh salsa from Fresh Direct because I didn't feel like chopping onions, tomatoes and peppers. Cheating rules!

2. Made my own Calexico-style crack sauce by mixing 2/3 sour cream, 1/3 miracle whip, a ton of chipotle powder, and some lime juice.

3. Cut up tilapia into small pieces and soaked it in a bowl of whole milk.

4. Made a mix of 1/2 cup flour, a tablespoon of salt, a lil' pepper, and a tablespoon of chipotle powder

5. Heated peanut oil in a large frying pan until it got super hot, but not smoking. Then I added a little bit of butter, and powdered the fish with the flour/chipotle mix.

6. Fried the pieces of fish for two minutes on each side. The oil also splashed all over my hands, burning me several times (not recommended).

7. Dumped the pieces on a paper towel and put more salt on them.

8. Heated up some corn tortillas and filled them with the fried fish, shredded cabbage, the pre-made salsa, crack sauce, and a squirt of lime juice.

And that's it folks. 8 easy steps to your fish taco fantasy.

Must Have: Winter Fashion

2010-12-30T09:57:00.000-08:00

The recent Snowpocalypse made me realize I need more winter gear. I have one winter(ish) coat, one scarf, and one big ass hat. I wear these same things every day. I wonder if the people I work with think of me as a peanuts character - always wearing the same clothes.

Anyways, I just got PAID, which means in addition to having a drunk-tastic New Years Eve, I will probably be splurging on some new winterwear.

The Coats

(from left to right)
Camel Hooded Duffle Coat from TopShop
Vintage Fawn Wool Coat from Allen Company
Rachel Comey Snorkel Coat (also known as the love of my life that will probably never be mine) from La Garconne

The Scarves
(from left to right)
The Meaford Extra Long Chunky Cowl in Cream from Yarn Over Movement
Wool and the Gang snood scarf from Madewell
Handmade Open Work Knitted scarf from Zara

The Hats
(from left to right)
The English Thimpson in Fisherman from Yakoo
Holiday Popcorn Hat from Steven Alan
All Over Fur Trapper from TopShop

Which ones to get?? Thanks in advance for your guidance.

Subway Fashion: Mixing Prints

2010-12-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

It's been far too long since the last edition of Subway Fashion, so I thought I'd share the latest look from the runway of the A train.This strapping young lad was testing his layering abilities by mixing many patterns. It was a bold choice, and a bit busy, but I think he really pulled it off. You can't see the blue and orange striped shirt he was wearing under all those layers, but that definitely helped tie it all together.

But we can't give him all the credit for this fabulous outfit. I think it's fair to assume he got some of his inspiration from Mondo from Project Runway:

The Best and Worst Stuff of 2010

2010-12-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

There's only two full days left of the year, so it's time to reflect on the best and worst that 2010 has offered us.

THE BEST:

Best Scripted TV Show:

Hands down, Eastbound & Down. I have never felt so much enjoyment from a TV show than I felt from this past season of Kenny and Steve's antics. Maybe it was the donkeys, maybe it was the fat Hispanic people, or perhaps it was all the cocks. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what made this season of EB&D so great, but it definitely hit its stride pretty hard.

Best Reality TV Show:

The Real Housewives of NYC, duh. I was sad to see Jill Zarin get all Hollywood Hogan on us this past season, but my delight was soon restored when I got to see Bethenny Frankel's face morph into all sorts of fun shapes. And let's not forget when The Countess dropped her hit single, Money Can't Buy You Class, in all of its autotuned glory. Also, the episode where Horseface Bensimon has a crazy party on the boat rivals The Swan for this year's best psychological thriller.

Best Movie:The Social Network gets my vote. Aaron Sorkin's script was so good, and Jesse Eisenberg totes nailed it as Mark Zuckerberg. When I first heard there was going to be a Facebook movie, I had a feeling it would be pretty fucking terrible. But then, when has David Fincher ever made a terrible movie? Basically, it was the first time in my life I've ever been wrong. Trent Reznor's soundtrack is also completely amazing.

Best Taco:
Calexico. Like you didn't already know that.

Best Digital Marketing Effort:

Skittles' Update the Rainbow knocked my socks off. Not like real-time advertising is anything new, but the way Skittles got people to update Facebook with all sorts of personalized Skittles ads was pretty effing genius. Facebook users could send their updates to a call center, where employees read them aloud and made a video of them.

Best Album:

LCD Soundsystem's This Is Happening is one of the best albums I've heard in a long time. It's got the perfect mix of danciness, psychedelic funk, and rock. If this is James Murphy's last album, at least he went out with a bang.

Best Celebrity:
The sax guy from Mondolva. Undeniable talent.

Best New Tumblr Blog:

Bread People. Delicious.

THE WORST:

Worst Scripted TV Show:

Glee. WTF is this stupid show and why are so many people obsessed with it? I watched the Britney Spears episode and was completely dumbfounded by how unacceptable it was. Gross.

Worst Reality TV Show:
Why have I wasted so many hours of my life watching Millionaire Matchmaker? The "cupid" Patti Stanger makes me uncomfortable. Her weirdo assistant with a purple curl of hair on her head makes me even more uncomfortable. And I don't think she's even successfully matched anyone up on the show. Why Bravo? Why?

Worst Movie:
I know I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this, but I vote for Blue Valentine. Slow, indie character-driven flicks are totally my thing, but I couldn't find anything redeeming about this movie. It just felt like it was trying so hard to be cool, and in the end it was just a boring movie about whiny hipsters. To be fair, I'm sure Tooth Fairy is a little worse, I just haven't seen it... yet.

Worst Taco:
Seven Star, a deli in dumbo with really nice people makes really terrible tacos. I used to eat them every Thursday until Calexico entered my life.

Worst Digital Marketing Effort:
Marc Jacob's old website was dumb, and their new website is even worse.

Worst Song:

As much as I love my Housewives, this song is simply not ok.

Worst Celebrity: Boo, you've got to step it up. I really need to see more scandalous behavior from you in 2011.

Worst New Tumblr Blog:
Fuck Yeah Ferrets. Ferrets are unbearable, particularly when they hang out in bathtubs.

What I've Learned This Week

2010-12-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

When blizzards happen in Greenpoint, no one plows the streets and buses get stuck. This looks like a job for Mr. Plow.Also? It snows inside my lobby.

Some cats like to wear costumes.

Conroy and Wilcox makes the coolest rings ever.

I've got a great idea for my Halloween costume next year. All I have to do is get red contacts and lose about 40 pounds.

Pepperoni Patch

2010-12-19T10:07:00.001-08:00

In case you missed my Pizza Party sketch show at Coco 66 last weekend, check out the commercial parody I made.

The video stars Chris Schell, and features cameos by me and Pancake.

Top 10 Tracks of 2010

2010-12-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

In the tradition of sharing the very best and worst stuff with you each year, I will now present to you the best tracks of 2010.

10. Girls – Carolina

9. Twin Sister – All Around and Away We Go

8. Janelle Monae - Cold War

7. Crystal Castles - Not in Love (ft. Robert Smith)

6. Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Round and Round

5. CSLSX – We Ought to Be Together

4. Pantha du Prince – Stick to My Side (ft. Panda Bear)

3. Tennis – Marathon

2. CFCF – Before and After Light

1. LCD Soundsystem – Home

List of the best albums of 2010 coming soon!

Music Monday: Navajo Bixby

2010-10-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a surfer babe while listening to this track by Navajo Bixby.

Robble Robble

2010-10-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have always been one to dress up for Halloween. In fact, when I was little, I had a re-occurring nightmare that suddenly it was Halloween time and I had forgotten to buy a costume. (!!!) I stressed out so much about this wardrobe amnesia issue that I made a promise to myself at the rope old are of 9 that I would always be sure to prep my costume well in advance of 10/31. This year, some friends and I are joining forces to dress up as one of the most important group of individuals in America's history.

I've collected plenty of inspiration like this:(from Mayor McCheese to be, Perry Crowe) And in my research, have concluded to be a sexy version of Hamburglar. I just had to clarify, in case you thought I might be going as the demonic version:

So to put myself at ease, I decided to start crafting our costumes this weekend. I went to the yarn-riddled, x-mas decor-stuffed, obnoxious children mecca otherwise known as Michaels to gather colored foam. So far Hamburglar is coming along nicely...And after a few angering trial versions, I was able to craft a pretty decent Officer Big Mac mask:After this, Major McCheese should be a breeze right?

Also, in case you were wondering how Hamburglar got his stripes, you can view this historically accurate documentary here:

Endless Summer

2010-10-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the taco truck that can be credited for starting my terrible addiction. Endless Summer is my favorite taco mecca in Williamsburg. Their tortillas are made right here in Brooklyn too. This lady clearly knows what she's doing:The diesel fumes wafting from the truck don't smell particularly inviting, but don't be fooled. These:
are fucking DELICIOUS. Well, at least that bottom pork taco. My pal David ate the beef taco (on top) so I cannot vouch for its tastiness. However, there is no need to get anything other than a pork taco at Endless Summer because it is practically perfect. The juicy carnitas shreds are braised with Mexican spices. The cheese crumbles are perfect - not too overwhelming but thety provide a nice flavorful undertone. The guac is to die for. Oh my god I have to stop writing this so I can eat more tacos. Anyways, I would venture to say that the pork taco at ES is almost as good as the pork taco at Calexico.
Grade: 9

Leg Up

2010-10-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

I never thought I was into Kate Spade until this morning, when I happened to come across her fabulous legwear. I want my legs to be yellow and blue and red!I'm thinking that last pair might be necessary for my sexy Hamburglar costume I'm planning for H'ween.

CSLSX

2010-10-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

Monday

+ Music

= MUSIC MONDAY

TOTALLY digging CSLSX right now.

Taco Time

2010-10-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

So the bridesmaid dress diet has come and gone, and it's time for the Taco Challenge to go into overdrive. Actually, I suppose it's already in full-effect. The moment the dress came off, the tacos came rolling in.

I planned a nice Taco dinner, but of course had to have some pre-taco tacos in Santa Monica at Perry's Beach Cafe. The fish were pretty, pretty, pretty good. The taco innards were simple - cilantro, onions, tomato, and something that looked a lot like the special sauce used on In-N-Out Burger. Tasty, a good amount of spice, but nothing mind-blowing.
Grade: 6.5

Then I headed over to Malo for Taco Night!! Apparently this phenomenon happens every Monday night, so if you live in Silver Lake, I suggest you head on down. There are oh-so-many tacos to choose from, and they start at just $1. You can afford to get enough to fill up a dump truck, so why shouldn't you? Anyways, I tried three varieties of varying qualities:

- Fish Taco
Pretty bland. Not seasoned well, and nothing of note. Pretty meh.
Grade: 4

- Carne Asada
A little better than the fish taco. Just beef and onions - no frills here folks. Bottom line: this taco cannot hold a candle to the deliciously seasoned steak at Calexico.
Grade: 5

- Carnitas
Oh my. Sooo good. A plop of guac was included for good measure. The whole thing practically melted in my mouth.
Grade: 8

Let's get real. None of these California tacos were as good as Calexico. (I just ate Calexico tacos for lunch to be sure, and they're still tops in my book.)

The Affair

2010-09-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

I've been a little busy lately with various sketch comedy classes and shows, including my most recent class at The Pit with Kevin Allison. Last night we had a show and I premiered my latest video short, The Affair. In case you missed it, check it out!

Thanks to Galen, Paul, Victoria, Kati, James and Brian for making it happen.

Taco Challenge

2010-09-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

I am what you could call a Mexican food snob. After living in southern California for many years, I thought I had tasted the best of it. I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary of being a New Yorker, and I've been on a quest for good Mexican food the entire time. It only took 5 years, but I finally found it.

The. Best. Taco. Ever.

Behold...
That right there is called a Calexico Carne Asada. It includes tender, marinated skirt streak, some slaw, guac, and of course, crack sauce. Yes, it's actually called crack sauce, and it tastes like chipotle mixed with heaven. Three fantastic brothers from California are responsible for the Calexico Cart, which serves a lot of stuff in addition to this perfect taco. The cart I go to is by the Brooklyn Bridge and there's always one in Soho too. Follow them on Twitter to find out where they are on any given day.Thanks this cart for simultaneously making my dreams come true and adding 10 lbs to my frame of taco weight. I have to be in a wedding in a couple weeks that requires me to squeeze into a very small dress. After that, it is time for the taco challenge!

When I return to NYC on 9/28, I will return to eating as many Calexico Cart tacos as possible. Additionally, I challenge you to name a more delicious taco. Name a Mexican place in NYC and I will try it. Mail me a taco from Mexico and I will eat it. I DARE you to find a taco that is more perfect than the Calexico Carne Asada drizzled with crack sauce. Anyway, name the taco and I will put it in my mouth.

Fashion's Night Out

2010-09-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

The night of high fashion has arrived. It’s time to get gussied up and hang out with a bunch of skinny famous people while sipping champagne and making empty promises to yourself about never eating again. That’s right, it’s Fashion’s Night Out!

This year my outfit is a little boring, and wish I could spice it up with this nice ice cream cone hat

But alas, I will be heading out ice cream-less. I’m pretty jazzed up about tonight’s festivities though. Here’s what I’ll be up to tonight:
Opening Ceremony is hosting a French flea market at the Ace Hotel. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris, so instead I’ll just go here. It’s probably just as good, right?

Kim Gordon (fashion goddess/my lady crush/ bass player from Sonic Youth) will be at Sportmax to debut her new line. I’m going to stop by so I can try to touch her arm.

Then I’m going to attempt to catch Sarah Silverman doing standup at MAC cosmetics. She will most likely be cracking jokes about how she doesn’t wear makeup.

Also? Refinery 29 is having a party DvF. If you don’t go to this, you’re a dumb dumb.

Greenpoint is having their own FNO party, and it’s supposed to be off the chain. The best event looks to be the In God We Trust party, which will feature a cameo by favorite perfume designers DS & Durga.

Too much to keep track of? Fashion’s Night Out made a really cool feature that allows you to make your own agenda for the evening. And to live vicariously through people who are better than you, check out this amazing site, which aggregates the #NYFW tweets.

My 15 Most Important Albums

2010-09-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

Recently there's been a Facebook note going around where your friends list 15 albums that they will always "take with them." I don't like Facebook notes, but the concept of listing your 15 most important albums is certainly appealing. It's like making an impersonal mix tape and screaming from a rooftop, "OH MY GOD LISTEN TO THIS VERY IMPORTANT MUSIC BECAUSE I SAY SO!" Yeah. You should listen to these albums:

15. Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem (Top Track: Someone Great)
One of the best concerts I ever went to was LCD Soundsystem on Randall's Island in 2007. I gained a profound understanding of this album. It took over my body and I danced like a maniac for over an hour. But this album isn't just good for dancing, it's got a serious side too.

14. Moon Safari - Air (Top Track: Kelly Watch the Stars)
If you ever need a good album to chill out/take drugs/make out to, Moon Safari is your album. There's something about the French... I don't know how they make such fantastic music. Ya know what? Don't even worry about it. Just sit back and roller skate through outer space.

13. Building Something Out of Nothing - Modest Mouse (Top Track: Broke)
Isaac Brock is arguably the King of Indie Rock. Building Something Out of Nothing is his variety pack of masterpieces. Sometimes hypnotic and psychedelic, and sometimes rockin' with a dash of country, the songs on this album are all worth listening to at least two or three times in a row.

12. the Trainspotting soundtrack - various (Top Track: Born Slippy by Underworld)
My friends and I used the movie Trainspotting as the Bible of Cool way back in the late 90's. When I first saw this film, I knew that Renton and his pack of drug-addicted mates were the key to understanding the universe. I proceeded to watch the movie about 37 more times to absorb as much as I could about heroin-chic fashion, European sub-culture and of course, the music. Oh God, the music. From Iggy Pop's Lust for Life, to Blur's Sing to the adrenalin-fueled Born Slippy by Underworld, this soundtrack has so much to offer.

11. Nevermind - Nirvana (Top Track: Lithium)
If this album isn't in your top 15 list too, there's a good chance you were born before 1970 or after 1990. Everyone knows Nevermind rules - it's just a fact of life. Some people just happen to take this knowledge too far by making a pathetic documentary about Nirvana when they're in middle school. Hey, at least I learned how to use a jog shuttle and paid tribute to one of the best bands of my generation. Anyways, Butch Vig sums up the album nicely:
"Even though you couldn't quite tell what [Kurt] was singing about, you knew it was intense as hell."

10. Keep It Like A Secret - Built to Spill (Top Track: The Plan)
Remember when I told you about that summer I spent locked in my room playing Sim City 2000 and listening to Keep It Like A Secret? Best summer of my fuckin' life. Really.

9. Dirty -Sonic Youth (Top Track: Drunk Butterfly)
When I was 17, I used to raid my parent's liquor cabinet and jump around my bedroom to Dirty - particularly to the song Drunk Butterfly. I'd stare at myself in the mirror and think about how I would give anything to be Kim Gordon, and how Thurston Moore would obviously be in love with me if he only knew me. These days, not much has changed except I have my own liquor cabinet.

8. Diary - Sunny Day Real Estate (Top Track: In Circles)
Before emo music turned stupid, it was a reasonable direction for modern rock bands to turn. The pioneers of emo, Sunny Day Real Estate paved the way with their heartfelt lyrics and quiet versus followed by intense choruses. Diary was the beginning of a beautiful thing. Just listen to In Circles and you'll see what I mean.

7. Post - Bjork (Top Track: Hyper-Ballad)
Bjork is a magical Icelandic elfin fairy, and this album is her very special gift of wonderment to you! The poppy electro-beats and pixie-eque charm are a spectacular combo that can only be provided by a creature like Bjork.

6. Pinkerton - Weezer (Top Track: The Good Life)
It's too bad that Weezer became unbearable after this album, because every single song on Pinkerton is fantastic. The lyrics are painfully earnest, and when set to the melodic dork rock that made Weezer famous, you end up with one mind-blowing song after another. There are rumors that Rivers' feelings were hurt after spilling his soul into this album only to have it sell poorly. What happened next is a travesty we shall not speak of on this blog. But listening to gems like Across the Sea and Tired of Sex will remind you of happier times of singing at the top of your lungs with your best friends.

5. Entroducing - DJ Shadow (Top Track: Mutual Slump)
I was just listening to this album last night and thinking about how ahead of its time it was when it originally dropped in 1996. Listening to Entrouducing is like going on a trippy spiritual journey guided by David Bowie from Labyrinth. Its little sampled treasures from old songs and movies and hip hop beats layered on entrancing melodies will seduce you.

4. Brighten the Corners - Pavement (Top Track: Shady Lane)
I've already sung praise for Brighten the Corners before, but I'll do it again. Steve Malkmus is a genius. The "lyrical complexity" is pretty stellar:
One of us is a cigar stand -- And one of us is a lovely blue incandescent guillotine The edge of creation is blurred and blushed Not a lot of room to grow inside this leather terrarium

And the slacker ballad Fin proves that Pavement didn't just make cool, clever songs, they were like, real musicians.

3. Homework - Daft Punk (Top Track: Rollin' & Scratchin')
The French duo Daft Punk introduced me to electronic music in high school with Homework, and I'm sure I listened to this album more than actually doing homework. The pounding drums and bass made my parents angry because they thought I was hammering, and I'm sure that made the album even more delightful for me. But beyond that, Homework was the first album I listened to that really made we want to dance.

2. OK Computer - Radiohead (Top Track: Let Down)
The Bends was pretty awesome and it seemed almost impossible for Radiohead to top that with something better. On my God, they TOTES did! OK Computer sort of changed music forever right? Alternative rock was taken to a new level when mixed with all the looping and heavy beats. And the lyrics themselves are heartbreaking, especially for the 16-year-old emotionally charged me. This album confirmed that I was a pig in a cage on antibiotics. More than a decide later when I'm much fitter and happier, this album still blows my mind.

1. Doolittle - the Pixies (Top Track: Debaser)
Anyone who knows me knows that I love the Pixies just as much as Lindsay Lohan loves cocaine. When I first got this album at the ripe age of 15, it was given to me on cassette tape by an improv genius named T.J. I listened to it on my walkman (gross) while spitefully folding laundry or lighting candles and pouring the wax onto my floor (two popular teenage activities.) These were the times of my life I suppose. The second I heard the opening track, it instantly became my favorite song on what became known as the best album that could possibly ever exist at any time in Le Monde de Lesley. Frank Blacks wailing, Kim Deals eerie/awesome vocals and simple baselines, Joe Santiago fucking shredding on guitar, and Dave Lovering... well yeah... how can you not be obsessed with this album!? Thank god I am going to see the Pixies perform it live tomorrow night. This monkey's gone to heaven.

Celebrate With Shoes

2010-05-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today marks the graduation of my 201 Sketch class at the UCB Theater. It is also the day that one of my favorite ladies in the universe, Betty White, will appear on Saturday Night Live.

Obviously there is a need for great celebration on this very special day. I think the perfect way to enjoy the occasion is by purchasing a new pair of shoes. I don't want to break my foot like I did last summer, so I'm going to get some comfy shoes.

I'm totally digging these new Steven Alan Keds:

And these Bensimons:

And these Frye moccasins:

Which ones should I get?

Scarf Obsession

2010-02-22T09:07:00.000-08:00

I have been totally obsessing over scarves lately, and lucky me! I'm now the owner of not one, but TWO fabulous scarves. I picked up this black chunky number at Alter this weekend:

It keeps my neck warm and ears warm which is pretty rad.

Also note my lovely new Sam Edelman booties. I got 50% off on these at Alter because they were the last pair. I love having munchkin feet!

But for me, one fantastic scarf is not enough. Thankfully my pal Hannah is awesome at crafting and reads my blog, because she made me my very own foks!

His name is Charles, which you must pronounce with a silent "r." I've been showering him with love and attention, and Pancake is getting a lil' jealous. Can you blame her? Hannah is opening her own Etsy store this summer, so you'll be able to buy housewares and other neat things she makes with her own two hands. I'll keep you updated.

Men's Figure Skating Costume Awards

2010-02-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

Did you watch the men's figure skating short program from the 2010 Olympics last night? I sure as hell did, and the costumes were made up of a delightful mix of story tale frocks, period pieces and items from Christina Aguilera's wardrobe. In honor of this spectacular Olympic fashion, I now present the first annual Floating Robot Men's Figure Skating Fashion Awards.

The award for best villain costume goes to....

Evan Lysacek! Congrats sir - I wasn't aware it was possible to be so freakishly evil while performing a triple toe loop. Bravo. I sincerely hope you win the gold medal. For some reason this outfit reminded me of Lord Licorice from Candyland.

Best Jeggings Go to:

Samuel "sexy" Contesti. Bonus points for that off-the-shoulder overall strap. Meow!

Best 90's Interpretation Goes to...

Takahiko Kozuka, who clearly went back in time and raided my 5th grade boyfriend's closet to find this silk snakeskin print shirt and stonewashed jeans.

Best potential to be a new Gummi Bears cast member goes to...

Jeremy Abbott. If only he remembered to drink his gummiberry juice before his performance.

The Faggiest Moulin Rouge Interpretation goes to...

Johnny Weir, who is about to become my newest TV obsession.

Best Costume in the History of Figure skating goes to...

Kevin van der Perren for his fabulous skeleton costume. Next stop after the Olympics? Skeletor on ice.

And this concludes the first annul Floating Robot Men's Figure Skating Fashion Awards. Fingers crossed that the ladies will one-up the men in the wacky fashion department.

Subway Fashion: Dead Ends

2010-02-16T13:04:00.000-08:00

As I reported over a year ago, hipsters are going to great lengths to make their hair gray. Apparently the trend isn't dead yet, because I spotted more Williamsburg residents on the L train last week sporting old lady locks...

Even Kate Moss is doing it, so now it's officially legit.

Maybe I'll go to Woodley and Bunny this weekend and request a Steve Martin Special.

Diesel's Stupid Ad Campaign

2010-02-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

I was walking past some billboards this weekend when something on an ad caught my eye. I think it was the tits. Anyway, after shaking off the titanic tatas, I read the rest of the ad and saw it was for Diesel. Good job for grabbing my attention and stuff, but I guess I just don't get it.

Maybe I'm not cool enough, but these ads just don't appeal to me. Pardon me if I'm not eager to connect myself with a brand that touts themselves as stupid. I guess they're trying to say that doing stupid things is the same as doing fun and crazy things. Things so wacky and outrageous as putting your hair in front of your face and wearing sunglasses.

Now if Diesel hired Rose Nylund as their brand ambassador, I'd think twice.

And by the way, if you haven't joined the facebook page for Betty White to be on SNL, please do so ASAP!! The page just started, and it amazingly has almost as many fans as the actual SNL Facebook page.

Blizzards: Not just for Dairy Queen

2010-02-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

Hey! Turns out sometimes there are blizzards in NYC. It was blizzarding when I left for work this morning and somehow the snowflakes didn't defeat me.

Even this evening when I was walking home and those jerks were pelting me in the face, even when bikes were being buried, I held my head up high. Greenpoint has been covered by a freezing white sheet, but I'm still hangin' in there.

Better luck next time, blizzard.

Which Print?

2010-01-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

I've been really good at not spending money I don't have for the past couple weeks, but I'm coming dangerously close to splurging on a limited edition Berkley Illustration print to add to my collection. I have one tiny problem though - I can't decide which one I like more.

Do I get Power Bruncheon?

Or Perfect Example?

Your guidance on this important issue would be much appreciated.

The Lovely Little G Train

2010-01-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't noticed, the G train is a real delight. If you're like me and you live in Greenpoint, you enjoyed taking the bus around town last weekend because the G decided to take a little vacation. Apparently the kind people at the MTA are giving shorty a break and "fixing her tracks." I've loved waiting outside for the bus to come in 30 degree weather, and I'm really looking forward to doing that for THE NEXT THREE WEEKENDS! Weeeeeeeee!

Additionally, if you want to take the G after 10:30PM, you'll experience the sheer pleasure of waiting 30 minutes. Clearly it's not just me who's having a gay old time during the G train's absence. You know. People who have enjoyed "getting their shit fucked up" or those who find glee in being defrauded.

And let's not forget the people who like slackers and penises.

Thanks for keeping it real G train!

Every Morning I Check Many Stuff

2010-01-20T18:44:00.000-08:00

I randomly came across this amazing piece of art this evening:

I think it pretty much sums up my life. The artist's name is Julien Vallee and I have officially fallen in love with him. He's a graphic designer from Montreal. Here is more of his neato stuff:

Le sigh.

No Pants 2K10

2010-01-09T08:46:00.000-08:00

I am very disappointed that I will not be able to attend this year's No Pants subway ride hosted by Improv Everywhere. I participated with my friend Alex in 2007, 2008 and 2009, but this year I have to go to my UCB sketch riding classes instead of gallivanting around NYC with out my pants. Such a pity. But just because I can't go doesn't mean you shouldn't go. It's going down tomorrow, 1/10, in NYC (and several other cities.) Here are the details:

When: Sunday, January 10 at 3:00 PM, Sharp! (Over by around 5:30)
Where: Six meeting points spread out all over New York City. (check meeting agenda)
Bring: A backpack and a metro card.
Wear: Normal winter clothes (hat, gloves, etc)
Facebook: You can RSVP to the Facebook Event

Here are some of my favorite No Pants pics from years past:

Target Treasures

2010-01-05T19:49:00.000-08:00

Let's be honest - Target is a pretty great place. I rarely have the opportunity to go, but when I was in New Jersey for X-mas break I took full advantage of suburbia. I went to not one but TWO Targets (apparently once you pop you can't stop.) Here are some of the must-have items I found:

Rodarte for Target
shirt: Rodarte for Target
jeans and headband: Levis
necklace from minimarket

I was excited to find a Target that actually had some Rodarte stuff in stock since I've been reading about how the collection has been flying off the shelves. Unfortunately most of the stuff that was left was pretty crappy looking. The skirts with a layer of tulle over them looked mega cheap, and the floral print rain coat thing was totally hideous. I thought I would keep things simple and go with a standard gray t-shirt. It's pretty ok.

Dwell Studios for Target
I have been pining after Dwell Studios bedding forever, and thanks to Target it's now mine! Well, Target and Galen's mom, who was kind enough to buy us new bedding for Christmikkah. There were a lot of nice options, but we opted for the gray and blue floral set with a gray geometric quilt. Pancake christened the new bed set by barfing on it the first night so that was pretty cool too.

Lisa Frank Stickers

It really doesn't get much better than this. Please observe my two favorite stickers which are pictured above - a cheeseburger and fries, and of COURSE - a dog and a cat getting married. The best. Also? The rainbow leopard sticker stirred up such emotions that I had to stick it on my face. I hadn't felt such a rush since Galen bought me my beach-scene trapper keeper a hundred years ago...Thanks for the good times Target!

The First Thing I Need in 2010

2010-01-04T11:33:00.001-08:00

It's sooooo cold and I reeeeally need this "foks" to keep my neck warm. Can't somebody please help? The little guy was made in Poland so he would feel right at home in Greenpoint. Also? He comes with thumbless gloves, so i can continue to wrap fruit roll-ups around my thumbs and suck on them all winter long. Rad.

The Best Albums of 2009

2009-12-29T04:19:00.000-08:00

I know you've all been waiting in anticipation. Here is my top ten album list of 2009. It was a pretty good year for music. Better than 2008, but nothing can top 2007. Sigh. Here we go folks. Hold on to your ~~hats~~ headphones.

10. Album - Girls
I must admit that I only heard this album in its entirety for the first time about a month ago. Weird that it's landing on my top ten list? A little cheap even? Yeah ok, I'll give you that but it's darn good. This is a collection of songs about girls. Duh. Sometimes heartbreaking and always poppy, Album is a really fun album to listen to that manages to encompass a wide range of genres. Best song: "Hellhole Ratrace"

9. Wolfgang Amadeus - PhoenixThis very pleasant rock album can be played and enjoyed by just about anyone. I'm pretty sure I could play Wolfgang Amadeus for my Nana and she would rock out, walker and all. It has that much mass appeal - you're guaranteed to like it. I guess that's why Cadillac used the song "1901" to sell their cars. Best song: "Love Like A Sunset"

8. Face Control - Handsome Furs
If Modest Mouse and New Order had a baby, the result would be the Handsome Furs album Face Control. Dan Boeckner from Wolf Parade and his wife Alexei Perry rock pretty hard. The album also makes for a good dance party when you've had a little too much to drink and you feel like singing really loud.
Best song: "All We Want, Baby Is Everything"

7. The Pains of Being Pure At Heart - The Pains of Being Pure At Heart
This self-titled album is poppy, low-fi, and perfect for dancing around in your room by yourself. The four-piece New York band cranked out an album that is noisy, melodic, and effortless sounding - if that even makes sense. For some inexplicable reason, it makes me feel like a giddy teenager which is somewhat awesome and gross all at once.
Best Song: "Young Adult Friction"

6. Bite Orca - The Dirty ProjectorsThe Dirty Projectors are a different kind of band. They kinda sound like Vampire Weekend but with awesome lady vocalists. They could make a whole song with just their voices if they really wanted to. In fact, they should just throw all of their instruments in the trash and give it a try. Everyone in this band just reeks of talent. When I saw them live it was sort of overwhelming - there was nothing they could not do. The pleasant timber of their voices could probably save starving children and cure Cancer. Oh, and the ladies are really hot.
Best song: "Stillness is the Move"

5. Logos - Atlas Sound
Deerhunter front man Bradford Cox put out yet another amazing album to follow up last year's Let the Blind... The best song on the album (and probably the best song of the year) is Walkabout - a Beach Boys-esque melody created with Noah Lennox. Logos is totally depressing, but that's a given with Atlas Sound. If you ever want to bike around the Pacific Northwest taking drugs and crying, I imagine this is the album you'd want to listen to.
Best song (evah): "Walkabout"

4. Tarot Sport - Fuck Buttons
The buttons on my winter coat exploded right the fuck off my winter jacket upon hearing this album for the first time. A lot of heavy beats and industrial noises is totally what you'd expect for Fuck Button's second album, yet somehow this year's vocal-less Tarot Sport is totally easy on the ears. Even for someone who usually listens to music with poignant lyrics. I like walking around the city listening to this album and pretending I'm cruising through the apocalypse.
Best Song: "Surf Solar"

3. Psychic Chasms - Neon IndianI don't take acid anymore, but if I did I would listen to this album while doing so. If you went to a beach in outer space, you would play this album on your ghetto blaster. The track "Deadbeat Summer" is something I refer to as my summer jam of '09. The whole album is worth listening to though - for reals. Do it this instant. The live show was pretty alright too, but I wasn't blown away.
Best Song: "Deadbeat Summer"

2. The xx- The xx
The XX kids will blow your mind in a quiet, sexy, understated way. The over-exaggerated bass and simple guitar riffs accompany the soft wailing of Jamie Smith, who sounds so hot she'd turn any girl into a lesbo. Unfortunately when I saw them live, I learned she looks more like a high school boy, but that's ok. Their live sound wasn't that great either, but The Friendly Fires (whom the XX opened for) brought the party hardcore. Thanks for saving the day, FF. Anyhoo, this album is rad and you need to own it.
Best song: "Heart Skipped A Beat"

1. Merriweather Post Pavilion- Animal Collective
I don't know what I would have done in 2009 without this album. Animal Collective have come a long way, baby... sort of. Merriweather Post Pavilion takes a lot of cues from band member Panda Bear's 2007 album, Person Pitch. It's shocking that I love this album so much since most of the lyrics were inspired by babies... and we all know I'm terrified of babies. Panda Bear's lyrics for "My Girls" describe how all he wants are four walls and adobe slats for his girls, and normally it's pretty lame to sing about stuff like that. But this album rises above any rules and explodes in your eardrums with harmonic awesomeness. Also, I saw Animal Collective play the album live this summer in Prospect Park and the show was amazing. My friends who I went with took mushrooms which was a really good idea, but not required to enjoy this album.
Best Song: "Brother Sport" (but it was so hard to choose because they're all so good!)

2009 "Must Have" Holiday Gift Guide

2009-12-15T03:17:00.000-08:00

Floating Robot is pleased to present the third annual "Must Have" Holiday Gift Guide, wherein I display a bunch of handmade and vintage treasures I've been obsessing over for the last several months. Then, you buy them for your friends and family and I cry myself to sleep.

For Your Best Fucking Friend:
If you have some money burning a hole in your pocket and you really love your friend, you should probably purchase this - a gift for her and you too. You can go buy it in NYC at In God We Trust or online at Refinery29.

For Mom:
Getting stuff in the mail these days is pretty rare, so getting plants in the mail is extra rare! If your mom is into plants, you should get her this 3-month air plant subscription.

For Writers:
Do you know anyone who has been working to finish a screenplay but can't find the motivation? How about a blogger with an antique flare? The old fashioned typewriters at Poetic Home are pretty much the coolest things ever and are just what the doctor ordered to cure a nasty case of writer's block.

For Children or Immature Adults Like Myself:
I could play with this Arctic Animal Finger Puppet Set for hours. The set includes a polar bear, an arctic fox, a caribou, a snowy owl, and the best of the bunch... a narwhal.

For People Who Need Jackets:
My heart aches for the day when I can afford one of joodito's amazing creations. If you want to know where to get the best jacket in all the land (I've searched far and wide and this is it folks!) go here.

For Art Lovers:
I declare this print by Blanca Gomez to be awesome.

For Your Boyfriend:

I can't put a picture of what I'm actually getting my boyfriend because I don't want to spoil the surprise, but don't worry. There's something you can buy for your ball and chain to keep his money safe. (And for the record, my boyfriend doesn't have any money so he won't be needing one of these.) Check out this awesome Moneybag Wallet - good for your dude's money holding needs. Chakra Pennywhistle makes these wallets out of actual vintage money bags. Pretty, pretty pretty good.

Subway Fashion: Winter Wonderland Edition

2009-12-15T03:04:00.000-08:00

I have cold weather but the one good thing is that so many couture cold weather outfits come out of the woodwork.Behold, the Duke and Duchess of Williamsburg. I spotted this stunning display of high fashion a few weeks ago on the L train. They've broken the typical hipster mode and taken things to a whole new level. While it might seem like the Elmo fur jacket is the star of this photo, the pair of paints with glasses painted on them takes the cake.

Versace Baby

2009-10-20T05:29:00.001-07:00

Lilo, Nigel and Shakira, oh my! Last night's Versace event at the Whitney museum was the place to be, and I was thrilled to be able to experience it first hand. And now you can experience it second hand through shitty iphone photos! Hold on to your hats folks.

All the celebs were dressed to impress, and luckily for me, sequins were in. At least according to Shakira and Amanda Hearst.

We invited Tom and Lorenzo of Project Rungay to cover the party, and they were such sweet guys! Of course, they totally approved of my dress.We quietly gawked on the sidelines as Lindsay Lohan and Donatella expressed their undying affection for each other. We also had moment to chat about our favorite Project Runway contestants and they agreed with me that Irina is one of the best of the bunch.

The highlight of my evening was catching a glimpse of my childhood hero, Candice Bergen. I wanted to grab her hand and tell her that Murphy Brown helped shape me into the independent woman I am today. And I considered telling her that I read her autobiography as if it was the bible in elementary school, and that I had an entire scrapbook dedicated to magazine clippings of her. But alas, she was whisked away in a matter of seconds.

Another notable celeb was the noted fashion photographer himself, Nigel Barker. Of course he was smiling with his eyes. Would you expect anything less?

And last but not least, the delightful Ally Hilfiger graced us with her presence. She wore pigtails and looked just as crazytown as she did on Rich Girls. I kept expecting her to have another meltdown and complain about how she misses her childhood...

But she managed to keep it together. All in all, my work pals and I had a fabulous night.

Oh and BTW, Mischa Barton didn't look like a bag lady, but she did get a little touchy feely with herself.
pppppsssssssssss. I'm totally FAMOUS!

Auntie Mame

2009-10-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

Back by popular demand... the one and only Floating Robot Blog!

Yesterday, I got a new roommate. Her name is Auntie Mame. She's a dress. Say hello!

Auntie Mame came just in time (with the help of Galen's mom Alison - thank you!) for the fanciest occasion I will probably ever attend. Tomorrow night, Versace (my client) is throwing a gala and studio party at the Whitney and I get to go. I'll be chilling on the red carpet, mingling with celebs and sipping martinis. Ok, not really - I'll be live tweeting and assisting with a live stream of the red carpet that you can watch live on the "Red Carpet" tab of Versace's Facebook page. Good times.

The bottom line is, you can't show up to a Versace event looking like a schlub, and most of my clothes are pretty schlubby. All of them except for Auntie Mame that is.

I was shopping with Alison yesterday when I saw her. She was glistened in the neon department store light as she hung on the wall, high above the other dresses. She looks a little ridiculous and over-the-top in an old lady-ish sort of way on the hanger, which is why Alison named her Auntie Mame.

But of course we all know that I'm an old lady at heart, and so it was love at first sight. I knew once I tried her on, she wouldn't look frumpy. (She's French Connection after all.) It's a match made in heaven! Weeee! Here's a blurry iphone preview:

I'm totally not gonna look like a clown on the red carpet. I'll probably look even better than Mischa Barton, assuming she continues to dress like a bag lady.

Rescue Dogs and Rad Clothes: 2 Blogs of Note

2009-07-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a dang blog these days, but which ones are worth your time? I'll tell you which ones dodo head! The ones with cute puppies and neat clothes. Here are two brand new blogs by two old friends that you should read.

No Lost Witches
My pal Christina is a pretty swell gal, and one of the most fashionable people I know. It totally makes sense that she started making clothes and bags so us normal folks can enjoy some of her exceptional styling. Look at these goodies:I told you she was good. Read her blog to see more awesome shit she makes and read about all the cool bands she likes that you've never heard of. You will feel enriched afterwords, I promise.

Foster Dogs in NYC
Sarah Oren is a lovely lady and a helper of people and animals. She is also my friend. We create a nice balance because I am a nasty lady who hates babies and old people. It's a good thing Miss Oren is around to spread her sparkly cheer and save the world. She just started a blog to help foster dogs in NYC find good homes. She volunteers at Animal Care & Control, and writes all about the cute pups she's helping. Just look at these Doogie Howsers:
If you want to something good but the majority of the human population disgusts you, please adopt a dog. Sarah Oren will help you.

Update your RSS feeds yo.

Versace Material

2009-07-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my company had a very important meeting with Versace. We were meeting with them about creating their Facebook, Twitter and blog accounts and I was invited to go to their office to discuss specifics. While I've always been into fashion, I've always sort of marched to the beat of my own drum. I was very intimidated by the idea of dressing up for a Versace business meeting. What does one wear to a semi-formal meeting at a high end fashion company?

I didn't want to wear slacks and a button down shirt because I would've looked like a tool. I have some cute dresses but they're more suited for a summer music festival than a professional meeting. I decided to enlist the help of my favorite local store: Dalaga. The ladies there are super nice, and I knew they'd help me find something that I wouldn't embarrass myself in.

They came through and helped me selected an awesome dress from Ark & Co. After getting the dress I went to my favorite thrift store, Beacon's Closet, and found an awesome Diane von Furstenberg blazer. I went in to my meeting looking pretty ok.
Of course, my foot is still fucked up so I had to wear flat shoes so as not to further damage my fractured bone. The outfit would have been so much better with cute shoes but alas, it just wasn't an option. After the work day, I strutted around town in my exciting new outfit. Some kid in his late teens or early 20's started cat-calling me as I walked down the street. "Hey baby you look hot! Want to go out with me tonight?" he hollered. I just scowled at him, thinking he was lucky that I didn't snap his scrawny little neck on the spot. As I gimped away he yelled, "I like your outfit but your shoes are fucking ugly!"

Thanks kid, that's just what I needed. Ah well, at least we won the Versace account.

My Lymbyc Systym is working again

2009-07-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

I mentioned before that I've been feeling really overwhelmed with life in general. Yesterday I decided it was time to get over it and I've officially transitioned from World of the Frazzled to World of the Living. Do you ever have those time periods where everything seems unmanageable? I recently got a subscription to the New York times, and I've found that even the task of reading the newspaper makes me a little anxious. So much news to consume, so little time. Anyway, hi.

For my triumphant return to the real world, I planned to see Built to Spill. They were playing for free in Coney Island yesterday at the Siren Festival. I was super excited because I have been obsessed with BTS since high school, when I first got my hands on Ultimate Alternative Wavers. For some reason, I thought I especially identified with the song "Nowhere Nothin' Fuckup" when I was 14. Yeah, I was pretty cool. Then during the summer of 2000, I spent most of my time locked in my room, playing Sim City and listening to Keep It Like A Secret. Every time I hear the familiar hum of "The Plan" I'm hearkened back to building light residential zones in my computer chair. It had been a long time coming and I was stoked to get to see a band that I have been in love with for 50% of my life. I was packing up to head to the subway, hoping everything would be perfect from now on.

Then Pancake started barfing so I had to take her to the vet, and I missed the show. Oopsiedaisy.

But all hope was not lost. My pals Mike and Jared Bell were in town, and their band Lymbyc Systym was playing at Union Hall. Dudes, if you have not heard Lymbyc Systym yet, stop being such a dumb dumb. You should really see them live because they put on a great show. They're on tour right now, but if you can't make it out, then listen to these tracks.

The mix of soothing keyboard melodies and kick-ass drumming punctuated with bells and xylophones is pretty rad. I was so impressed by their music last night, and I think Mike might be the best drummer in the whole world. I went to school with these guys since elementary school and their dad was my rabbi. Now they're all grown up. I'll always remember them when they looked like this:

Rose Nylund Must Wait

2009-06-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

I was faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life last week. I was forced to choose between getting this...

or this:(Rose Nyland necklace by AnomolyJewelry - $140)

Sadly, I had to go with the iPhone. The buttons were literally falling off of my other phone, and I concluded it was more important to get in touch with people than to be ultra-stylish. Although I sort of regret this decision, I'll admit I'm getting into this whole app thing. Totes digging Shake It Photo and Buamai so far.

Some day, the Rose Nylund necklace will be mine. Oh yes, and I fully intend to purchase necklaces of the rest of the girls too. There's even one of Stan!
People often ask me why I connect with Rose Nylund more than any other gg... the answer is pretty simple. I'm dim-witted, lovable, and love to tell stories about St. Olaf. Plus, Betty White is the shit. Did you see her playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon? I didn't realize it was possible for her coolness factor to increase any more, but it just broke the charts.

Side note - the Jimmy Fallon Show is turning out to be pretty great! I was not fond of him on SNL, and when he started making movies with Queen Latifah, I discredited him as a human being altogether. But! Having Zach Morris and Betty White on your show in the same week? He's a man after my own heart.

The Poor Man's Top Chef

2009-06-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

Since Bravo no longer has Project Runway, the best reality show EVAH, it needs to make up for lost awesomeness by pimping out the shows they do have. I can understand that they'd want to get more leverage out of Top Chef, arguably their only classy show left. (Ok, those New Jersey housewives are pretty classy too.) I was sort of interested in checking out Top Chef Masters... I hadn't seen or heard too much buzz surrounding the show and all I knew was that some famous chefs were going to compete Top Chef Style.

My oh my, what a let down. The regulars were nowhere to be found... they got some hoebag to fill in for Padma, and Tom and Gail were only shown in brief video snippets describing the competing chefs. And speaking of chefs, we only got four of them. They don't even live in a fancy house together and try to make out - they just show up, cook and go away. The biggest thrill we got was when a chef stepped into the shower with a bowl of macaroni... sexy time!

This resulted in a tedious hour of programing consisting of predictable cooking disasters (someone left their food in the freezer rather than the fridge! gasp!) played out by ridiculous stereotypes. Last night, the chefs featured included a juggling Texan,

an ugly red-faced Jewish guy, a pompous dude with yellow teeth and a French fellow with flowing gray hair. Hubert Keller (the French fellow) won the competition and must now go on to face several other celebrity chef assholes to ultimately win the title of Top Chef Master, and a few bucks for charity.

I was glad Hubert won though mostly because he DJs in his spare time. Raise the roof DJ HubE.

But hey... did anyone else notice something ridiculous about the "Champions Round"
scoreboard at the end of the show? Hubert made it to the finals so an image of his face went into a slot on the board. All of the other slots awaiting chefs have the same body outline as flowy-haired Hube!
Someone in Magic Elves' post production department is either a hilarious person or a complete jackass.

Also?
This lady is an amazing specimen. Gael Greene wins a prize for being the best judge in Top Chef history, as well as for having a ridiculous amount of e's in her name. BRAVO Gael! CAN WE GO HAT SHOPPING SOON? Galen and I suspect she's a washed up Broadway star from the 20's. She probably slept with George Gershwin, scored an understudy role in Funny Face, and then went on to be a homeless lady/food critic. Obviously I'm in love.

There is one thing about Gael that's slightly troubling... check this excerpt from her bio on Bravo's website:

"As New York Magazine's famed restaurant critic for over 30 years and the Insatiable Critic Columnist, Gael Greene has gone to great lengths to conceal her identity so that no restaurateurs can identify her."

Hmmm. Cause if I saw this:
I wouldn't find her to be recognizable at all. Gold medal for inconspicuousness.

I might watch this show again, but if I do, it will only be to see what sorts of head pieces Gael busts out in weeks to come.

CraftWerks

2009-06-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

Did you make it out the the Renegade Craft Fair last weekend? I arrived in style with my boot and a wad of $20s in my wallet, ready to buy out the entire fair. When I showed up at the entrance to McCarren park, I was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of booths spread across two fields. I had a moment of malfunction. Entering one's favorite park when it has become riddled with delectable crafts can be a tricky situation... you want to conquer each booth the way Short Circuit's Johnny 5 reads books...

But the boot slowed me down a bit so I had to be selective about the booths I visited. My friend KC helped me divide and conquer, although we frequently got sidetracked by cuddling with stuffed animals.
One thing we noticed was the over-abundance of mustaches this year. As KC pointed out, mustaches are the new owl.My most prized purchase of the afternoon was my ring (which I had previously owned and broken) from Erica Weiner. Her booth was, hands down, the best one at the fair. Her jewelry is pretty much the best so if you haven't checked it out yet, do eeet!

Other exciting purchased I made include a notebook with a picture of a bread loaf on it and a print of a unicorn/narwhal venn diagram by Argyle Whale. You can see it in the middle below, pictured along with two of my other favorite prints. (The print on the left is my most recent Etsy purchase. Damn you Brandi Strickland! Your art is TOO COOL. The print on the right is by Berkley Illustration - a purchase from last year's Renegade Craft Fair)All in all it was a good afternoon, and once again my pocket book is a little lighter.

Friends Forever

2009-06-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

I was so beyond thrilled when Mark-Paul Gosselaar showed up on Jimmy Fallon last night as Zach Morris. How awesome was it that they busted out ye old Zach Morris cell phone? They even slapped a lot of makeup on him so it seemed just like the good old days...
You probably know about my deep rooted obsession with Saved By The Bell and my recent correspondence with Mr. Belding, so surely you understand how much a SBTB reunion would mean to me. I hope they can get Lark and Dustin to reenact The Sprain. Unfortunately it seems that Tiffani ~~Amber~~ Thiessen is too cool for school at the moment cause uh.. she's got a lot going on these days. Hopefully Jessie will give her some pills and she'll be so excited (and so... SCARED!) to go on the show. Even if it doesn't work out, I can continue to watch this brilliant video of Zach Morris' live version of Friends Forever (Craig used this song as a hidden track on a mix tape he made me in high school. Aww.)

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood of New Jersey

2009-06-09T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the new episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey right now, and Galen just made a very astute observation. Caroline Manzo, the oldest/wisest housewife, looks like a plus sized version of Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers. Twins!She's as thick as thieves and thicker than puppets.

Dear Golden Girls

2009-05-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

My mom was digging through some old stuff the other day and came across an old letter I wrote to the Golden Girls (one of several.) She was kind enough to scan it for me so I could share it with the world. For some reason, I was very enthusiastic about showing the girls members of my family and my backyard.

It's a little hard to read so I've transcribed it for you...

Dear Golden Girls,

I'm sending pictures of my family! I hope you are doing good. I'm 8 years old. Your show is my favorite show on TV. I'm telling you all the people in my famaly. [sic] This is my dad, this is my brother and my mom, this is my mom. This is me! This is my back yard.

ps. I have written to you [before.]
ps2. My name is Lesley. Please write back soon.

Obviously, I was pretty advanced back in 1989.

Out of Order

2009-05-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a terrible blog mother. I have ignored this poor blog for the past few weeks because my mind has been jumbled with all sorts of silly things. There's a lot I need to tell you about... like my hilarious insider knowledge of the Housewives of NJ or my new job, or the fact that my brother drew a Reebok pump sign on the pump of the boot that adorns my fractured foot, and the fact that Pancake likes to pump it up...

But right now my brain is broken and so is the delete button on my keyboard, so I will have to keep you waiting on the edge of your seats. I'll BRB, I pinkie swear. In the meantime, I will leave you with a few pictures of things I desperately want to buy. Conveniently they are all in the $80 range. Eeeek.
Summer Campbell Frock by Rennes le Chateau

APC Madras Check Top
Grey Leather Sandals by Matiko (gonna have to wait for these until my foot stops being lame.)

Also on the list of things I desperately need: some type of insane dress to wear to this year's Belmont Stakes. My search for "insane dress" on Etsy yielded zero results, so I'm pretty much at a loss. A penny for your thoughts?

Get Your Stuff Featured

2009-05-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Ummmmm hi. You may have noticed I've been MIA forevah. Sorry peeps, things have been crazy. My brother is in town visiting and we've been partying all over NYC. Pictures to come.
But here's the real reason I've been MIA... I got a new jaerb. I'm working at a place called enter:new media and it's pretty swell.

One of the main accounts I'm working on is called YMI Jeans. I just started a blog for them and I'm trying to incorperate some cool features that will give some love up-and-coming Etsy designers I'm so obsessed with.

Basically, I'm putting together outfits combining YMI's jeans with items made by...YOU! If you make cool clothes, jewelry or purses, email blog@ymijeans.com with a link to your store or blog and your stuff could be featured. Get crackin'!

Say Hi To Your Mother For Me

2009-05-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day to everyone who birthed a baby. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about my own mom and how utterly cool she is. (This is from my birthday last year- she still looks cool and my bangs look less gross)

Before we delve into my mom's awesomeness, let me tell you a little story about how I came to be. My mom was pregnant with me for only 7 months when she was shopping at the mall one day when she noticed her jeans were wet. She thought she had peed her pants so she freaked out and went to the bathroom. I guess at some point she realized "Ooopsies! I'm having a baby!" Fast forward through some unpleasant surgery and suddenly, I am born! 4 pounds of purple, half breathing flesh. Here is a direct quote from the finest book my mother ever wrote - my baby book:

"My first thought upon seeing you was 'the poor girl is going to need braces to correct that terrible overbite.' You weren't too pretty to me then."

Touching words that can only be expressed by a loving mother. I give her so much shit for writing this and for some reason, she is still good humored about it so I'll have to give her credit for that. In fact, my mom has an excellent sense of humor and has always been the first to find cool new authors and shows. She introduced me to Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Comeback and urged me to watch them despite early criticism. And she was the first person to introduce me to David Sedaris waaaay back in the day. She clearly knew what she was talking about!

Here's another reason why my mom is so rad. She started a blog years before I did! It's pretty good and you should check it out. She is also a great photographer. I guess she took a lot of Diane Arbus style photos of New York in the late 60's but I have never seen them. Maybe someday she will dig them up and I'll share some of them here. In the meantime, you can check out her flickr account where there are lots of fun pictures including this one of a doll head in the street.

Some other reasons why my mom is cool:

When I was in high school, she claimed to like Nine Inch Nails.
She owns a toy robot collection
She plays guitar
She has a doctorate degree... that's Doctor Robin to you!
She taught theater at one of the first integrated high schools in Georgia and much to the dismay of other the stuffy faculty members, she put on an inspiring mixed-race play. She's totally like Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, only better.

I guess she was probably always cool. After all, she was doing stuff like this in 1962:

Happy Mothers Day!

Das BOOT

2009-05-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

This week has been like a good old fashioned game of chutes and ladders... full of ups and downs.

Down: I fractured a bone in my foot called the sesamoid bone. Now I have to wear a stupid boot for three weeks and I look like a bozo.

Up: See that gray bubble on the boot? It's a pump, so I can pump it up, just like Rebok pumps!

Big Up: I decorated the boot to make it super fashionable.Super Up: Damien Weighill of Your Face Blog drew my face!

Butterlies and Art

2009-05-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend Galen and I took a trip to DC to visit my mom. We went to so many cool museums, but I think my favorite was the at the Hirshhorn. If you're in the DC area, I highly recommend you take a trip. There's a giant naked dude sitting in the corner who will make your journey worth it. This awesome guy was made by Ron Mueck, an Australian-born hyper-realist sculptor. That's me sitting next to the naked guy, just feeling his pain, trying to take it all in.

There are also some really cool paintings there with pretty colors. I made Galen pose for some fashion shots.
And speaking of pretty colors, we also stopped by the Natural History Museum to go to the butterfly exhibit which was out of control. I saw mother nature in action when I witnessed a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Unfortunately, the butterfly fell to the ground before he could break his wings out of his little cocoon. He was twitching around, trying to get his shit together, but he looked like he was in pretty bad shape. Some 12-year-old girl told us that butterflies need to get their wings out of the sack before they touch the ground or they'll die. It would be a huge bummer to spend a bunch of time waiting to grow a pair of magic wings and then just as you get them, your clumsy ass falls and dies. Poor lil' butterfly. I'm sure Bea Arthur will take care of him in heaven.

It's Hammer Time

2009-05-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

Here's a little sneak peek at what's coming to my etsy shop...

A little hammer head shark is about to be baked in the oven, but until then, U Can't Touch This:

And here's the Montauk Monster I just made for Perry. He still needs to be mounted but he's sure to be a hit. I tried to make him as realistic as possible. See?I still can't decide if the Montauk monster was real in the first place.

Swine Flu Fever

2009-04-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

So have you noticed that 7/10 of your friends have updated their Facebook status with something clever about Swine Flu? Have you also noticed that everyone is washing their hands every 5 minutes and shivering in fear while reading accounts of what might happen if the whole entire world got infected and over-run with zombie swines?

In order to continue this delightful trend, I'm featuring a Swine Flu Special at my Etsy shop right now. Come on down and get Phoebe the Pig, on sale today for $19 (marked down from $25)Isn't she cute? If you don't like pigs, I bet you like dogs. I've been making custom animal plaques of peoples pets...

Here's Simba!And here's Diesel the bulldog!And I'm currently working on a custom Montauk Monster plaque which should be super cool. If you want me to make you a custom animal plaque of your pet, you can visit my etsy shop and send me a message.

Uh Oh

2009-04-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty fun. It was finally hot enough outside to have a BBQ and play some Kan Jam.I enjoyed playing in the park and frolicking on rooftops with friends.
Too bad I got Swine Flu :(

Bye Bye Bea

2009-04-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

I was deeply saddened when I stumbled home at the end of Saturday night's rooftop festivities and discovered that one of my childhood heroes had died. Bea Arthur died April 25 at the age of 86. Yesterday I received many kind emails, phone calls and text messages asking how I was handling the news. The way people have been acting, you would think Bea Arthur was my own grandmother. And in a way, she sort of was. If you read this blog with any regularity, you know about my obsession with the Golden Girls that stemmed at a very young age. Bea taught me many important life lessons - most importantly that being sharp and sassy will get you far in life, and that any problem can be solved with cheesecake.

My love for Bea Arthur is displayed in many ways, from the GG mousepad I'm using right now, to the Bea Arthur shirt I made for my friend Liz. Well... I wanted it to say "I heart Bea Arthur" but I'm mentally challenged so it came out saying "I heart BEA ARTUR" with a backwards E.
I think Bea would have approved of the shirt, mostly because it looks like it was made in St. Olaf. Speaking of St. Olaf, Betty White had this to say of her fellow Golden Girl:

"I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that,"

Man I'm depressed. I'll be sitting Shiva this week and singing the Golden Girls theme song. Thank you for being a friend Bea, you'll be missed! And so I'll leave you with one of my favorite Dorothy Zbornack quotes...
“I could have been living in a swinging singles condo instead of with… oh I better not say anything before I’ve had my morning cup of coffee… a slut and a moron. Sorry, I guess it's decaf.”
-Dorothy Zbornak

Turtle on a Leash and other fun weekend happenings

2009-04-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here! Sort of... It was so nice to experience the great outdoors when pesky baby Jesus wasn't busy flooding the city of New York with his rain tears.

Ok, I actually took those pictures a couple weeks ago on my trip to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and I wanted to brag about my new camera. But seriously, you must go - it might be the best place on earth. This weekend was spent at the "hippest" place on earth: McCarren Park in Williamsburg.

Galen, Pancake and I had a picnic and I wore my fabulous red Marc Jacobs shoes, as pictured above. Please don't think that I'm loaded enough to buy those shoes at market value. Money does not grow on trees in my neighborhood. However! I was able to find them on super-sale at DSW because there is a water stain on one of the toes. Weee!

You know what else we saw at the park? A fucking turtle. On a leash. Yep, you read that correctly.
This asshole wrapped some red masking tape around his hard-shelled friend and attached a rope to his back. Awesome way to score with the ladies, dude.

Another thing we did on Saturday was attend 3 consecutive birthday parties. This is not recommended unless your drinking skills are very sharp. Fortunately for me, I minored in drinking at UCSB, so the all-day drinkathon was not problematic. I just tried to follow the rule that one piece of delicious cake must be consumed per every alcoholic beverage I drank. Here is a picture of the tastiest cake I ate, whose innards consisted of ice cream bars:
Obviously this was a Paula Deen recipe. Them southern folks know how to do it right.

I ended the night in style by blacking out fully-clothed on the couch. Apparently when this happens, Pancake likes to use my head as a pillow.
Silly doggy.

Uh, hold on guys

2009-04-15T07:26:00.000-07:00

Am I the last person on earth to learn that this:
is an actual creature that exists in nature and not something out of a dream fantasy or a long-lost episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse?

This guy is a blobfish, and it's my new favorite animal. Here's some info about the blobfish from wikipedia:

To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front of it.

What an awesome life. I'm totally jealous.

Subway Fashion

2009-04-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

It's time for another edition of subway fashion brought to you by the G train.This guy is really taking the term metrosexual to the next level. The long bleached hair looks simply stunning with that fitted leather jacket and those serial killer gloves. Don't be fooled by those loafers or the newspaper, he is a total party animal. You can tell by the furry backpack he's rocking that this dude is probably on his way to a rave.

Also, I love him because he totally looks like one of the twins from Superjail.

Today's Asshole: BB's Meltdown

2009-04-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

This just in... Billy Bob <3's DRUGZ.

What do you think he's high on in the video below?

A. Crack
B. Heroin
C. Peyote
D. Airplane glue
E. All of the above

Then again, maybe he's just getting into character for a schizophrenic role he's taking on?

Animal Plaque Love

2009-04-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I want to write about right now but first and foremost, I want to say thanks to my favorite bloggers who have posted kind things about my animal plaques. In case you haven't heard, I've been selling these plaques on Etsy. I'm having a sample sale from now until 4/20, and my shit is selling fast so get it will you can.

So! Mad props to Kate who posted the Deer plaque I made her.

Also thanks to Meghan who made my Dinosaur the mascot of her Cancer Walk!Lastly, a big shout out is due to my favorite blogger in all the world wide web - Rich at FourFour. He posted this awesome picture of Winston curling up with the Winston plaque I made him.
That picture is so cute that I just puked. Good times. Anyways, check back to the store tomorrow for a shop update.

Noted Fashion Photographer

2009-04-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

Move over Nigel Barker, there's a new noted fashion photographer in town. That's right... last night I purchased a new digital camera! Behold... the Canon Powershot SD960:

After work, I raced to B&H (Sarah describes it as a Hasidic Willy Wonka Factory) where a series of yarmulke-wearing mashuginas were like, "Eh, ya gonna buy a camera? Hurry up, we're closing." And hurry I did. I skipped all the way home to Greenpoint where I made Pancake my first fashion subject. She let me take a few shots like this...
But then she saw how bad I was geeking out over my camera so she started making fun of me.Ah well. I'm gonna make hear learn to smile with her eyes and then my pics will be on the cover of Vogue. Duh. Anyways, next matter of VERY important business... I need a camera case.
Should I get a casset tape pouch?

Or a ship pouch?Quick! Help me decide before I drop my beautiful blue baby on the subway platform.

Darling Brigade

2009-03-31T22:08:00.001-07:00

I was so super excited this weekend when Galen pranced into our bedroom and tossed this delightful package in front of my face.
In case you don't recognize it, that's the shirt I wanted to eat from Darling Brigade. I look like a dumpy weirdo in this picture but you get the idear.
Don't be a doofus, go check out the shop.

Count-less

2009-03-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yo! Did ya hear there's a new single lady in town? And did you know that that single lady is none other than ~~Countess~~ Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives of NYC fame? Sadly, her husband Alex tossed her aside like yesterday's stale crumpets for a young Ethiopian girl.

BRUTAL.

But my girl Lulu won't let a little thing like divorce get her down. She still plans on keeping the title "Countess" because well, she fuckin' needs that shit. Her book and website are already branded with it, so this whole break-up thing is sort of an inconvenient truth. But hey, Luann. Wipe away those tears you sad clown! There's a new count in town, and he's a looker.

Old Timey Fashion

2009-03-28T10:17:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been really into pretending I live in the 1920's. I've been using old pics of my grandma's family for inspiration:You can see from her notation on the bottom that this was taken in 1924. (I guess shitty handwriting runs in the family!) Anyway, every person in this picture is wearing an awesome outfit, including the very small person in the front who may have been a midget.

Here's another picture from my grandma's collection of her and her friends at the beach (she's the one at the top.)

These old-timey swimsuits are so rad. I'm totally wearing a sailor suit to the beach this summer. Also, I like that little twat grinning in the background.

It's not quite beach weather yet (waaaaaah) but it was really warm yesterday so I decided to whip up this little number:

Dress by Kensie
Cardigan from Anthropologie
Vintage Locket from Mrs. Gibson's Etsy
Vintage Belt from Old Hollywood
Headband from Urban Outfitters
Shoes by Steve Madden
Tights from Mini Market

In the above pic, the tights look like gross nude nylons. This is not the case - THEY RULE. Here's closer look:
I like them so much because they make my legs look diseased. Mmmmm.... measles.

STAUNCH!

2009-03-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

Oh hello. Here's something amazing to start out your Friday night:

Soooo excited! Dude, I have been waiting for this movie since 2005 when I first heard it was in pre-production. I actually used to know one of the producers, this lady named Lucy Barzun. When I saw she was attached to the project, I thought, "Shit! I gotta call her up and beg to work on the film in any capacity!" You see, I'm pretty obsessed with the Edies and I really wanted to hang out with their reincarnations, even if one of them was being played by Drew Barrymore.

So I called up Lucy and asked if I could work on the film as her assistant. After rescheduling the meeting like 8 times, she finally told me to meet her one summer afternoon at Le Pain Quotidian. Unfortunately, I had acquired a nasty stomach virus the night before and I couldn't stop puking. So ya know, I did what any staunch GG fan would do. I WENT TO THE INTERVIEW ANYWAY. Ooops.

Things seemed to be going pretty well until we started talking about potential day-to-day activities and my eyes started rolling back in my head. Before I knew it, I had started to throw up in my mouth. I had to run to the bathroom in the middle of her sentence so I could avoid blowing chunks on Lucy's brunch. After that whole debacle, she seemed pretty disgusted with me, and proceeded to send me on my "merry" way without so much as a handshake. I can't say I blame her.

I've always wondered when the film would be released and I've been following its incredibly slow-moving production status on IMDb for the past 4 years. So now it's finally coming out, although it won't be in the theaters. That's sort of a shame since I know Little Edie would have wanted this on the big screen, but I'll take what I can get.
The film premieres on HBO on April 18th @ 8PM, and you can be sure I'll be watching it wearing stockings over my pants and my skirt as a cape.

Quack Quack

2009-03-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am so burnt out from this week, but HOLY SHIT IT'S FRIDAY! AND IT'S 65 DEGREES! OH MY GOD I'M SO HAPPY! HERE IS A SNORING DUCK!

And speaking of DUCKS, I just added a quacktacular new plaque to my etsy shop, ya see?
I made this guy along with like 10 other animals this week, because I'm sending some to a few of my very most favorite bloggers. I think I managed to ruin every pair of pants I own by accidentally smearing polymer clay crumbs into them. Oh well, IT'S SPRING! I WILL ONLY WEAR DRESSES FROM HERE ON OUT!

Can you tell I haven't slept in like four days? Whatevs dude. It's cool. I'll be a'ight.

The Very Hungry Cupcake-pillar

2009-03-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God.
If you love me at all, will you please bake me this ASAP?I can't imagine there is anything better that exists on this earth.

Unicorn Winner!

2009-03-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

I just dragged out the old sombrero and wrote all of ya'lls names on hot pink scraps of paper. Then I threw them into ye old sombrero, blindfolded myself with a scarf, and picked one. I'm pleased to announce that the lucky winner of the Unicorn Giveaway Contest IS.... Amy Rocen! Congrats Amy! I'm sure your new animal wall hanging will be right at home next to Pee Wee and Miss Yvonne. Please contact me ASAP to let me know which of the following wall hangings you would like:Dallas the Dinosaur, Umeko the Unicorn, Denzel the Duck or Derby the Deer??

Thanks to all who entered the contest. I thought you might like to know that my official Etsy store is now open for business!! Please celebrate the grand re-opening by stopping by to say hello. You can purchase a lovely wall hanging for yourself for just $25. More animal friends will be listed each day!

Practice makes cuter

2009-03-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I made a shitload of clay animals. I made Galen take me to the Michaels in Queens, which we soon discovered was filled with fat, depressed ladies and screaming children. I waded my way through the masses until I got to the clay aisle. They seriously had like every color of Sculpey imaginable, so I loaded up my basket and paid a small fortune for crafting supplies. I keep telling myself that maybe I'll make my money back in the end...

Anyways, every time I make a new animal, it gets better and better. I'm glad I'm giving away the unicorn for free (don't forget to enter to win!) because it kind of looks like shit compared to this cute deer: Here's his side profile:
I also made some rabbits, a duck, an elephant and a dinosaur!
I decided I'm also going to make a little scroll to go with each animal - it will say the animal's name and what they used to like to do before their untimely death and subsequent mounting.

Unicorn Giveaway!

2009-03-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

**Enter the unicorn contest to win... it's easy!
Just leave a comment on this blog post with your name and you will be thrown in a hat to win. Winner will be chosen 3/24 @ 8:30PM EST.

Sooo... I've been working on a top secret unicorn project and today it's time I begin to unveil it. I've spent the past few days painting and lacquering wooden plaques, and today, I finally got the polymer clay I ordered. While I watched Barack Obama talk about exploding toasters on Leno, I constructed this lovely lady.Here is her side view.There are other colors of plaques, and I will make different animals, but I wanted to start with a unicorn. Eventually I'd like to sell these in my Etsy store which has been long forgotten, but first I'd like to give one away and practice shipping it. I'm pretty sure I have a packing plan to avoid breakage, but I want to test it out before charging someone money they should be spending on ramen packets instead of fake unicorns. (Any packing tips you may have are would be appreciated!)

So anyways, let me give you my unicorn so I can practice shipping her to you (I'll pay the shipping charges since I'm made of money.) Interested in a FREE UNICORN? Please leave your name in the comments section of this blog post. If I don't know you or how to contact you, please be sure to email me your contact info. I will choose a winner of this contest on Tues. 3/24.

**EDIT: I have made a bunch of animals since this post and they all put this unicorn to shame. I will provide pictures of available animal plaques Tues. night and let the winner pick any one they want! I know... I'm soooo generous.

ps. I'm attaching a hook to the back of the plaque so you can hang her on your wall.
pps. You'll notice my camera SUCKS. Does anyone want to have a unicorn photo shoot soon? Lauren... I'm lookin' at you.
PPPPPPPPPPPPS. Special Olympics, Barack!? BWAHAHAHA

Spring Must Haves

2009-03-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

My heart is young and gay because SPRING is in the air. I am listing for the warm weather to make its way to NYC for GOOD. Clearly I have Spring Fever because all of my Etsy favorites lately are in pastels and have "Spring" in the title. Here's a few of the items I've been lusting after:

Miss Kitty Departs by Vivienne Strauss Normally I hate cats, but when they ride hot air balloons, they suddenly become awesome. I'm thinking this print would look quite nice over my mantle.

Vintage Candy Striped Blouse by Darling Brigade
If you haven't had a chance yet, swing by Darling Brigade's vintage shop and check out their amazing goodies. This shirt is so cute I want to eat it. And maybe when my next paycheck comes, I shall!

Sweet Springtime Friend by You and Your Brother
I have been a fan of Rachel from You and Your Brother since I saw her stuff at the Brooklyn Renegade Craft Fair a couple years ago. Her stuffed animals are so cute. I really want to snuggle with this creature but I think Pancake and Galen might get jealous.

Mini Truffle in Periwinkle Blue by Morelle
I've been going gaga over Morelle's purses for a past few months. They are pretty much the bees knees as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to start saving my pretty pennies for a major splurge on one of these bags.

Kenley the Cat Thrower

2009-03-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

ZOMG! Did you hear that Kenley Collins of Project Runway fame got ARRESTED in Brooklyn yesterday? Apparently, she got in some sort of fight with her ex-fiance and unleashed her fury. She woke the poor dude up at 7AM and flung a menagerie of things at his face including some apples, water, a laptop and A CAT.
Weeeee! Nothing goes better with a feather hair clip than a nice dose of animal cruelty. Apparently her ex-fiance, a fellow named Zak Penley (aw cute! her name would have been Kenley Penley!) wrote the finale song for Kenley's Bryant Park show. The song was called "CAT?" Perhaps he had a psychic flash of what was to come hurling towards his dome just one year later.

Apparently after the fight, Kenley told Penley, "You're lucky. It could have been a lot worse." Meaning she could have feathered and hand painted him and then made him into an Oscar De Larenta-inspired gown. So yes, he should be thanking his lucky stars.

EDIT: My photoshop wizard friend Liselle made this delightful Kenley collage which could probably double as a court sketch:

Away We Go

2009-03-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

I am excited to be working on another good film, even if it doesn't feature Gael Garcia Bernal.
Here's the new trailer for Away We Go:

I'm a wee bit concerned that the movie will come out too Juno-ish. I hope there are super-quirky burger phones involved here. I did read the script and I thought it was great, which is not a shock since it was penned by Dave Eggers. It will be rad to see Sam Mendes direct such a great comedic cast, including Maya Rudolph, Catherine O'Hara and... JOHN KRASINSKI.
Even as a beardo, JK is lookin' mighty fine. Oh man Focus, you just keep throwing all these hot dudes at me. Keep 'em coming plz.

Dreams DO Come True

2009-03-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

I just wet myself. Do you wanna know why? Ok, you probably already know. The Real Housewives of NJ! Yeppers, you read right. May 12 bitches... set your DVR. One of them is supposedly the first "American Express Black card" member in New Jersey. That fact alone makes the show worth watching. I also find it somewhat close to my heart since my great grandmother was supposedly the first woman driver in New Jersey. So you might even say that this show runs through my blood.

Another fun fact? Two of the housewives are sisters and they are married to two brothers, and the brother's other brother is married to another housewife. Confused yet? It sort of sounds like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, except we can expect a lot more gold hoop earrings, orange skin and mind-numbing accents. Hooray!

I'm In Love With A Chair

2009-03-15T16:43:00.000-07:00

So today I went furniture shopping with Lauren and we found some fabulous places in Fort Greene that contained some real treasures. First we went to City Foundry where they had some really cool robots. There were signs everywhere telling me not to take pictures of said robots, but hey...
Nobody tells Les Boss what to do. Then we went to Horseman Antiques where I promptly fell in love with a chair. Behold...The moment we laid eyes on each other, I knew we had something special. Have you heard of the documentary I Married the Eiffel Tower? I just watched it the other night and let me tell you, that shit is nuts. It's about women who fall in love with inanimate objects like fences, carnival rides and the Berlin Wall. One lady in particular actually married the Eiffel Tower and likes to have sex with it. While I wouldn't necessarily have sexual relations with the chair, I would consider being its wife. Alas, my love was part of a 4-piece set that was $385. One day it will be mine. Oh yes, it WILL be mine.

Other treasures we found include Black Beauty:
And this delightful clown painting:
This bozo looks like he might be a relative of Casey from Uncle Muscle's hour...Right?

Help My Boyfriend Win a Car

2009-03-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

So the boyfriend is trying to win a car. He made a video which you should watch. There it is down there. Please watch it and leave a comment on YouTube if you are so inclined.

We really need a car because his current one is pretty much dunzo. When he wins, we will drive to your house and give you a chocolate cupcake.

le weekend

2009-03-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, I went to see KRTS at Public Assembly. He played an awesome set which included my all time favorite sesame street song... the pinball song!

Then on Saturday, I forced Galen to go on a picnic against his wishes. I know... I'm such a bitch. The weather was so nice though, I just couldn't resist. I cut up some cheese and apples and we all headed over to McCarren Park. Look at our pretty pick-uh-nick basket!Pancake was lovin it.
When the sun comes out to play, so do all the hipsters, which I guess is to be expected. One guy was standing against a tree playing a clarinet, trying super hard to be all St. Elmo's Fire. Another guy set up an easel to paint a picture. Silly hipsters thinking trees are ladies with dresses.
After the park, we went to New Jersey where we proceeded to eat a pile of cake-shaped sushi, complete with birthday candle.Now on with Monday.

Goo Goo

2009-03-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

TGIF OMG LOLZ!

Now that that's out of the way, I think it's about time we examine the top 3 cutest things from this week.
1. The PINK DOLPHINUh... hello! Are you there God? It's me, Lesley. Thanks a bunch for making my dream fantasy come true. (Dudes, the dolphin is real. Never before has an albino creature been so fabulous.)

2. Sad CloudThis cloud is so fucking upset about the terrible economy. Don't you just want to cuddle him in your arms? Rush on over to Chet and Dot's etsy store to make him yours.

3. Gael Garcia Bernal in the new Limits of Control TrailerOn a few rare occasions, I love my job.... like when I get to work on films involving Gael Garcia Bernal. How hot is this man! He makes me feel like a giddy 7th grade girl. I'm not really into the whole cowboy look, but Mr. Bernal can make anything look sexy... even THIS frock
(via White Lightning)

See?
Bringin' sexy back.

GAEL! ARE YOU OUT THERE? Do you google search your own name? I hope so. Wanna come over? I'll make you some guacamole.

Subway Fashion: Color Edition

2009-03-02T13:56:00.001-08:00

Even though NY was suffering a crazy snowstorm this morning, that didn't stop L Train commuters from showing off their fabulous multi-colored fashions.

Check out this bitch's sweet tights:
Wah wow wee wah. I was totally drooling while staring at her legs, which disappear nicely into her Darth Vader boots. I also love how her blue umbrella is dangling strategically in front of her crotch.

Hungry for more? This lovely picture was sent to me by my friend Rolando:
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Top Clown Recap

2009-02-27T12:03:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's about time I weigh in on the Top Chef finale. Eh. I made a cartoon:

I have to admit, for all that shit talking I've done about Carla, I kind of wanted her to win. Her warm, fuzzy, lovable soul finally won over my blackened heart by the final episode. I blame the editors for this. I wouldn't have been too upset if Stefan won either because he reminds me of Deiter from Sprockets and I think it's sexy when he says the word twat. But Hosea? Really folks? That guy is such a bozo. It's a good thing the golden baby and the oh-so-prestigeous Glad Family of Products smiled upon him. In a normal world, Hosea would have packed his knives and received his one-way ticket to clown town a long time ago.

And now there's rumors that Bozo Rosenberg and Leah the Fish Slayer are making out all over NYC. Barf. I wonder if Bravo will make a reality show about their scandlous relationship called Two Twats: A Love Story.

In any case, I guess it's not really about winning. Gawker said it best when they wrote " Hosea's $100,000 can't buy him imagination or intelligence or his hair back." I don't think Hosea will do that great in non-reality show life, but who knows. Everyone is really into harping on him right now (he really makes it easy by looking like such a doofus) but he might not be so bad. I mean, he wasn't terrible - he just wasn't good. If the editors had spun it differently, maybe we would have seen Hosea as the BFG/lovable underdog. We never tasted his food so whatevs.

We at home are left to judge these chefs on two things: their personality and the way their food look on a plate. And if I had my way, Fabio would be the winner because he is so sweet (zuh-weet.) I am going to make a trip to visit my favorite Italian stallion in all his fauxhawk glory at his restaurant Cafe Firenze. I love you Fabio! I'll suck on your spehgetti any day.

xoxo

Housewives: Double Shot

2009-02-24T21:49:00.000-08:00

Last night was such a big night of TV. First we got to hear about Obama's magical plans for the economy (chocolate in every under-privileged school's water fountain! unicorns for all families who make under $250,000) and then we got a delicious double dose of Housewives. Recap time!

At the Real Housewives of OC Reunion, the girls were looking ~~skanky~~ classy and refined in their battle gear. First we heard from Gretchen, who didn't look the slightest bit guilty of slutting around town with the likes of some stalker/best friend (and also Slade Smiley!) while she was with her cancer-ridden husband... But you know what? More power to her. Being slutty can be fun! But gurl... you know where Slade Smiley has been and you don't want to go there.

Then we saw Lynne whose fake smiles were more indicative of a mental breakdown than ripping out one's hair and eating one's scalp scabs (my friend went to school with a girl who actually did that!)
I feel bad for Lynne. Why are all the ladies such jerks to her? She just wants to eat salad and make jewelry ok? And just so you know, she doesn't smoke "bombs." She's like the Rose Nyland of the OC, just give her a break.

And then there was Tamra...
What was that? Did I just hear somebody blow a hottie whistle? Tamra was such a hoe bag in this episode, let's be honest. I thought it was a little odd that she claimed to be sorry for sleazing his son on Gretchen, but then accused Gretchen of being slutty and irresponsible because of what went down that night. She also mentioned she's selling her used fake boobs on ebay if anyone's interested, which they're not.

Which brings us to Vicki the rocket scientist.
This woman needs psychological help- mainly to get her to understand that she should not be wearing clothes from Contempo Casuals made for 16-year-olds. After smirking at Gretchen and making Lynne cry, Vicki informed us that her husband Don is getting better at filling up her "Love tank." *shudder* The tank is now approximately 50% full. And her husband Don is is now a complete shell of a man.

Moving on the the Real Housewives on NY, we caught up with everyone partying in the Hamptons. We got to go on a little shopping trip with NY's creepiest couple, Alex and Simon. Simon's seersucker shorts provided some major LOLZ.

Stunning. Can you believe they spent $8,000 on shitty summer clothes? I hope they were spun out of gold and can cure AIDS.

The highlight of this episode for me was exploring the zaniest NYC housewife in all her glory. Can we discuss the top 3 reasons Ramona is amazing?

1. She pulls strange Albino creatures out of her pockets at parties to spice things up.Did anyone else find it fascinating that about 30 minutes into the Countess' party, Ramona managed to conjure up a freaking albino lizard out of nowhere? She was all "Oh my friend's son just got it! No big whoop." And I was all, ""Nice try Ramagic, we know you have a lizard factory in your chest cavity."

2. She likes to get greasy.
Dag yo! Check out those guns! And that leotard... meow.

3. She has the prettiest face in all the land.
I have hereby renamed her Ramazing.

But even Ramazing's magic couldn't protect me from this day at the beach:
GAH! My eyes are bleeding! Bravo, what have you done? For shame.

And finally, at the saving cancer tent party, we got to see Bethenny let loose. After the motivational speech from the zen-like Grand High Jew Mother, she has clearly realized life is too short to pine after some short bald dude with kids from another marriage. See how pretty she is with her new boyfriend the fan?
Stay cool in the summer heat Beth! See you next week.

Colorlust

2009-02-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

I have tried as hard as possible not to spend a bajillion dollars on Etsy lately. I got my tax refund already and I must say, it's been nice not living off of Ramen noodles, the stale pumpkin pie that has been in my fridge for 2 months and tap water. Ok, that's gross - I don't drink tap water.

Anyhoo, aside from my extreme desire to rush to Murray's and spend approximately $735 on cheese, I really want to blow some of my hard earned, unexpected cash on crafty and vintage items. And everything has been so dull and gray in NYC this winter... here is my colorful shopping-spree fantasy.

First I would keep my neck warm with this fabulous neon wrap made by Joodito. At $80, it's a bit out of my price range... but remember, this is a fantasy.

And to match my scarf, I would get a little neon pet phoenix. I would name him Van Buren, after the trashiest street in Phoenix that's riddled hookers and drug addicts. Because you know, he would be tough and shit. A phoenix from the block if you will. Behold Van Buren:
eeeeee! Isn't he the cutest? This little guy is made of paper mache and is made by Mumbreeze.

Van Buren and I would go strolling around town and I would wear this wrap dress from Grey Gardens Vintage (awesome name btw.)
And finally I would decorate my apartment (which in my dream fantasy is warmer than its usual 55 degrees) with this picture from The Cellophane's Shop.
I think I am so in love with this print because it looks like a treasure map drawn by a pirate on acid.

Anyway, maybe I'll splurge on one of these items... but which one? I wouldn't want to hurt any of the other items feelings.

Birthday Din Din etc.

2009-02-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

Happy late birthday to me!

Isn't this banner the cutest? It's from Nice's etsy shop, which I've been eying for the last couple weeks. I feel like that picture was fitting for what was a very happy 3-day celebration.

First I had a birthday bash at Ace Bar in Alphabet City. So many people came out and we had a great time. Everyone bought me Jager shots and I got pretty drunk, but apparently not too drunk to successfully complete a magic trick!
Not sure how or why.

Then I had a very romantic Valentine's Day. Galen made me a nice card and took me out to dinner at a Fondue Restaurant in NJ called The Magic Pot. The food was fucking delicious and it's a must if you're even in Edgewater. I got all gussied up thinking the place was going to be really fancy, but upon our arrival, I spotted a guy wearing what appeared to be a baseball shirt. Upon closer look, I noticed it said "Booger 69" Very charming.

The next day was my actual birthday and Galen took me to a very special place. Harold, the winner of Top Chef season 1, has a lovely restaurant in the West Village called Perilla. Oh my gawd. The food was TO DIE FOR! We started out with a scallop appetizer and I assure you that shit was even better than Jamie's scallops. For my main course, I had the special - bass with potato foam, parsnips and a veal reduction. Ho-lee-shit. Best thing I ever ate. The skin was so crispy and delicious. I normally hate fish skin but Harold managed to convert me. That picture is not of my actual dish but it's from the Perilla website. Doesn't it make your mouth water?

After a few cocktails and a cheese dessert plate complete with birthday candle (I freakin' love cheese. so sue me) I stumbled over to the bar where Harold was sitting. He was enjoying a post-work drink and I didn't want to bother him but let's be real. Could I really let the chef of my dreams slip through my fingers without a sloppy introduction?

It was hard to work up the courage and find the right words. What do you say to one of your favorite reality TV show heroes when meeting face to face?The interaction went a little something like this:
Me- Uh... Ha-Harold? Hi my name is Lesley and it's my birthday today.
Harold- Oh cool. Happy birthday
Me- (blushing) thanks! I just had the best meal of my life. It was really fucking good.
Harold- I'm glad you liked it, where did you come out from?
Me- Brooklyn. Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
Harold- Oh, I'm sorry.
Me- Yeah. OkIloveyou. Byebye now.

And so my birthday was complete. And yes ladies, Harold is majorly hot.

Like Wow

2009-02-08T19:55:00.000-08:00

Holy shit MIA...
Performing at the Grammys dressed as a ladybug the same night you're supposed to give birth? It would have been pretty sweet if they would have actually let you perform on your own but whatevs. Shine on you crazy diamond.

Floating Down the Aisle

2009-02-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

I just came across some amazing photography by Denis Darzacq.
These pictures are so rad. I've always thought grocery stores make the perfect setting for photos and film. Remember that magic moment when Barry Egan did a dance after finding all that pudding?Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Tokyo!

2009-02-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited to finally be working on a cool indie film. In celebration of that and the fact that it's Friday, please check out this kick-ass trailer for the film Tokyo!

As you'll see, the film really deserves its exclamation point. Tokyo! is a triptych film- Michel Gondry, Leos Carax and Bong Joon-ho each direct their own short. I am sooo in love with Gondry. His film Interior Design is pretty neat and extremely weird (what did you expect?!) Now I just need to make it to the actual city which has been a long-time dream of mine. Does anyone have like $2,000 they want to lend me?

Cornify Your Heart Out

2009-02-05T09:55:00.000-08:00

My friend KC just alerted me about this website called Cornify which makes everything turn into unicorns, rainbows and sunshine. If you feel like you don't have enough Lisa Frank in your life, just click the "Cornify" button below and get your fill. Trust me... just do it.

Top Chef Recap: Eel Killers

2009-02-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

Last night's episode of Top Chef was a little gross with all the fish heads and stuff, but it was nice to see Eric Ripert as a guest judge. He is known for making great seafood and I've always wanted to try his stuff.

Did you think it's strange that Eric Ripert rocks the same hairdo as Jay Manuel from Top Model? He also wears the same button-down black shirt but makes a smart decision to expose less chest.
The quickfire challenge required the contestants to chop off fish heads and de-bone filets. After successfully skinning their way to the top, Stefan and Hosea had to face off in round 3. They made kissey-faces at each other to show their love. It was truly a magic moment.But the magic died quickly when the guys had to hammer nails through eel heads and rip the skin off of their squirming bodies...What the hell!? I've never seen anything like that before but I decided I'm never eating eel again after seeing the prepping process. Stefan did that shit like it was a hobby. It was so deviant and strange, it reminded me of something Dieter from Sprockets would do.
I guess Stefan sort of has a lot in common with Dieter.Then during the elimination challenge, everyone got to work trying to recreate dishes from Eric Ripert's restaurant Le Bernardin. The restaurant looked really cool so I checked out the menu on Menu Pages. Seeing that the lunch prefix costs $68, I concluded it was just a little bit out of my price range.

Fabio made an ok dish, but one again his charm carried him to the top.Everyone was impressed by Fabio - even judge Toby who is usually a complete dick. And speaking of Toby, did anyone else notice that he was wearing ear plugs at the judges' table?Maybe he was just trying to drown out Jamie's bitchery. I think she's a talented chef, but I couldn't believe how negative and insulting she was being.In the end Stefan the deviant fish killer won again, and Jamie got kicked off which was kind of sad. Maybe we'll see her again somewhere over the rainbow. Somehow Carla has remained in this competition even though she's completely wacked out and tried to substitute cooking skills with "love." My thought is that no matter how much love she channels into her food next week, she's going to have to pack her knives and go. Or maybe it will be Leah. She's pretty talentless too but at least she's able to seduce her way to the top.

Super Bowl Shopping Sunday

2009-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

Oooooh shit. It's Super Bowl Sunday once again which means I'll be spending another afternoon trying to avoid football and watch as much of Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl as possible. Even though I grew up in AZ and therefore should care about the Cardinals by default, the choice seems clear...VersusI'm also going to attempt to make a key lime pie using a recipe my dad sent me. I'll let you know how it comes out. When I'm not busy baking pies, stuffing my face and watching puppies wrestle on astroturf, I'll be scouring etsy for my next exciting purchase. My birthday is right around the corner and I want to treat myself to some crafty gifts.

I just purchased this fabulous mug from fieldguided but it's going to say my name instead of Monty. I'm going to bring it to work and since it will have my name, no one will steal it and tarnish it with their dirty mouth germs.

I've also been drooling over Allen Company's etsy shop. Kristina who runs the shop always finds THE BEST vintage stuff, like this blouseand these pumps.
Must Have Now.

Subway Fashion- Housewives Edition

2009-01-30T12:25:00.000-08:00

Guess who I rode the L train with this morning?!?
The most fashionable ladies in town... the Real Housewives of NYC! I was sitting directly across from Jill, Ramoron and some random new bitch. Because I feel it's important that my NY neighbors not be strangers, I took the liberty of researching this unfamiliar face on Bravo's website.

It turns out her name is Kelly Killoren Bensimon. Not only is she the newest face of Housewives, she is also the star of a different reality show called Behind the Hedges. You know, it's really important to have at least 2 reality shows if you want to keep up. She's also written 3 books and designs sweaters and jewelry. And in case you were wondering, she is also a model, equestrian, and editor. Personally, I think the most exciting fact about Kelly is that she used to be married to Gilles Bensimon of America's Next Top Model fame. I suspect he may have played just a small part in the success of Kelly's modeling career. I can't wait to see Jill Zarin kick her in the teeth.